to boredom, routine,
quarrels and frustrations:

don't let them invade your
relationship anymore.

  Replies to real life situations [2]
Being available
Unusual reflection
Decreased desire
Finding love again?
How to save marriage?
Becoming strangers
No communication
Premature conclusion
The plague
After sex, I feel not myself anymore
I'm afraid
« Age is a gift! »
I can't last
My husband doesn't want sex!
Frustration & commitment
Can't live without trust...
Not interested by love
Effects on children
We are so different...
Feeling his climax
Difficult orgasm
Not the same religion
10 words to harmony

Click here to send your comments/questions
Or here, to read some words about the author

This amusing e-book will
interest you and help you
to find practical solutions:

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blog on relationship problems,relationship issues,couple communication,save marriage,relationship advice,avoiding break-up,blog for couples,real life testimonials on relationship problems,solution to relationship problem, marriage problems,marriage counseling, marriage problem advice,fixing relationship Get SOLUTIONS to your couple problems: "100 Sure Ways to Help Your Couple"

Are you dreaming of quick and easy solutions to some couple problems?

Don't be anxious, it's normal; you know that you aren't alone: I'm receiving... hundreds of e-mails from people who went through similar difficulties. How did they overcome them? With a shared touch of goodwill, they just implemented a series of practical solutions, like the ones gathered in my action-plan presented on this website as an electronic book.

Here below, you'll find some personal replies to messages received by readers distraught by their relationship issues. These real-life situations are lived world-wide, in every cultures or civilizations. They all remain quite topical and humanly concerning.
All these emails are stricly authentic. First names are changed.
Ivan Greindl

But first, let me please remind you something useful:
       How to feel alive, free and happy, - in our mind as well as in our life as a couple?
The secret (within everyone's range) is to focus on our « adult side », - free, autonomous and responsible. How to achieve this?
By getting conscientiously free from what shrinks call « the wounded child in us », - the painful marks of our childhood's sufferings.
According to our own sensitivity, to our real-life experiences, the 'job' could be demanding: but if we 'feed' the memories of these old wounds, how could we feel adult? How to live as an adult? How to establish adult relationships with other adults?
   Our couple relationship reflects our own attitude towards our past and our perception of ourselves: if our life remains influenced by our childhood's wounds, if we're continuously thinking of them, we'll remain in the state of "wounded child" unable to take care of ourselves by acting as an adult. Like children, we'll expect from our parents or others happiness and satisfactions considered as our due.
Being both 'wounded children' in a relationship will lead to frustrations and continuous quarrels: each partner will expect everything from the other one...

Getting free from this "wounded child" frame of mind, becoming fulfilled adults needs to stop being under our parents' psychological domination, freeing ourselves from their negative judgments. Just accepting ourselves as we are, is enough for that purpose: without too severe judgments, but with honest lucidity and a certain amount of indulgent tenderness.
We'll then be really aware of our adult condition. This helps us to 'give up', to calm down our passed resentments, to cure our old wounds. These are means within our range for:
* Unlocking our mind, opening ourselves to the present and future;
** Understanding and agreeing that we are the only responsible for our own life;
*** Opening ourselves to others too to establish with them balanced, harmonious, warm and mature relationships.

« I know the problems you're facing and how to solve most of them 'cause I've been where you are right now. It's why I generally can evaluate your difficulties and answer your questions, giving you some practical suggestions.
I hope they'll suit your particular needs and help you to start a genuine improvement in your relationship. In fact, I wrote this eBook (more largely introduced on the main page), because I'd understand how important it often is, after a while, to feel the spark back! »


• Your questions or comments
•  My answers

Only one word frees us of all the weight and
pain in life: LOVE. (Sophocles -496/-406 BC)

Other real life situations, part 2

Problem: « I love my dear a lot... Off late, due to my busy life, she is getting attached to other person. She still loves me a lot. I want to get her back completely with my love and trust. What could I do? » Amir (Mumbai, Maharashtra - India)

You just discovered that, in order to live a long-lasting relationship with the woman you love, you need to be AVAILABLE...! You see, my friend, women have a continuous need: to be 'reassured' about the solidity of their relationship and of their future.
If you're daily 'maintaining your garden of love', if you daily take plenty of time to communicate with her, showing her how SHE is important; if you daily show yourself attentive to her expectations and deep wishes; if you're repeatedly expressing you tenderness with words AND with some attentions (like a little unforeseen present, some flowers, going out together,...), - why should she look elsewhere??? You'd be her God!
      They all love "to be loved", you know; they love a loving, talking, cheerful and available man. It's why I think that you will have to choose between your various priorities!...
If you really love her, show it to her: make her your first priority; manage to BE with her much more often! Tell her daily how you're in love with her; how precious is for you your relationship and her presence at your side.
ACT, Amir. Do not limit yourself in complaining. :-) Share some activities and projects with her. Aim the same goal together. I'm afraid you'll have to choose between more money or more love...

These ideas obviously are largely developed in my e-book, introduced on the website you visited. I'm sure that this book CAN help you to avoid the same errors in the future and to become happy with her, in harmony. I sincerely wish you to succeed in building a fulfilling and happy relationship for the two of you.

This time, something unusual, - a short text I just received and I wished to share with you:
« What Happens in Heaven? I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, "This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received."
I looked around in this area: it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.
Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section. The angel then said to me, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them."
I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.
Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. "This is the Acknowledgment Section," my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed.
"How is it that there's no work going on here?" I asked.
"So sad," the angel sighed. "After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments.
"How does one acknowledge God's blessings?" I asked.
"Simple," the angel answered. "Just say, "Thank you, Lord."
"What blessings should they acknowledge?" I asked.
"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep ... you are richer than 75% of this world. "If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the worlds wealthy. "And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity."
Also ...
"If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day.
"If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 700 million people in the world.
"If you can attend a church meeting without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death, you are envied by, and more blessed than three billion people in the world.
"If your parents are still alive and still married, you are very rare. If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you are unique to all those in doubt and despair."
Have a good day, count your blessings, and remind everyone else how blessed we all are... »

Problem: « I feel a strong decline in sexual drive. My baby is now 13 months. This happened after his birth. » Louisa (RSA)

The problem of postnatal decrease of women's desire is frequent... and easy to solve! You see, as a young mother you may feel that you have simply too much to do, - and even "always more".
This can induce some breakdown or increase the normal depressive phase after any childbirth, generally due to overtiredness.
In particular if you have soon resumed your professional activities and/or get not enough help from your close relations.
You can find here below an extract of my book '100 sure ways to help your couple", related to your question:

" It’s difficult for many women to balance all the roles which are asked from them: child care and education; often, a profession, plus the journey to and from work; cooking; household; errands; taking and getting the child(ren) to and from the nursery or school, etc. -- AND mistress...
A young mother feels more acutely the "lacks" of her companion and close relations in this case. In particular, his help — often considered as little effective — in the child care, the household and marginal tasks. Too short nights do not allow a "repairing" sleep.
She may find that her legitimate expectations are not met. That easily leads to rancor or resentment. Overtiredness also, hardly incites her to show herself exuberant in bed: the urge to sleep is too strong.
Last, but not least, a slight hormonal disorder (or painful scars) can also influence this decrease in desire. Analyses and adequate hormonal treatment (thyroid hormone, growth hormone, male hormone…) (or cares the possible wounds) will restore the situation. If your gynecologist can't help you, the best is to consult an endocrinologist or a specialist in internal medicine.

The psychological aspect of the problem is, however, most striking.
It translates a state of utter confusion, the sensation of being dispossessed of one's own life by an excess of responsibilities; to always have to do some more.
Anyway, remember a point, on which one can never insist enough: talk together, explain what you feel to your partner." (...)

Especially, ask your partner to be practical: ask for some more help, ask for more attention, ask him to do his best in helping you in domestic chores: excessive fatigue makes everybody very vulnerable.
Above all, show him your tenderness and ask him to show his; ask him to caress you, to pamper you; go away for some days, the two of you alone, maybe consigning your baby to your close relations...
Ask him finally to show a touch of patience and understanding: everything will come back again if he shows some efforts too, - as it is normal for a loving partner."
You'll find a series of practical and concrete tips in my method 'How to Boooost Your Love Life - and Savor it!", in particular concerning the improvement of your "intimate" life.
My book already did help sooo many couples in the English-, French- and Spanish-speaking world! Why not YOU too?

Problem: « Can I find love again? » Frances (Barbados)

Yes, I'm sure you will, Frances. However, "let's put all the winning cards in your game": for example, you certainly could find some attitudes or behaviors to improve - among others, towards men.
I sincerely think that my program, « 100 sure ways to help your couple » could provide you with the help you need: you see, in that e-book, I'm talking about every aspects of the life as a couple. Particularly the points about which our parents and schoolmasters were strangely mute...:
* How to express your feelings as well as your expectations;
* How to respect and value your soul-mate;
* How to learn to share with your partner;
* How to reach a genuine dialogue between the two of you by several communication skills;
* and obviously a series of useful tips concerning your intimacy.
You can be sure of it, this large resource of information will help you to become a better, unselfish "loving person"; this will allow you to easily meet your better-half and to reach harmony in your life as a couple. You just need a touch of goodwill, a bit of generosity and some perseverance.

« My problem: Getting over the hurdles by building trust and respect and 'resparking' the love we once had; I'd like to find new ways to save my marriage... » Amanda (AL, USA)

You did knock "at the right door", dear Amanda. You see, what you're looking for is precisely the purpose of the method I developed. I pointed the very same words you're using!
You can succeed in what you wish: just begin by applying some simple skills and techniques to improve communication between the two of you.
This is the first point. Then, learn again to SHARE with your husband: you need to do several things together, to find some common center of interest, to have some projects or objectives in common; ... and you need to share the domestic chores and responsibilities too!
When communication shall be reestablished, the trust won't be a problem anymore. Mutual consideration and respect will grow in parallel.
But you know, to realize yourselves in a fulfilling relationship, you've to live with your soul mate, - not just at his side. You need real contact, you need to aim in the same direction.
In fact, it's absolutely within your range, with just a touch of shared goodwill. Try my system now, - without any risk, thanks to my guarantee 'satisfied or refunded'.

Problem: « It is like we are strangers now! » Walter, Vienna (Austria)

The way you write, I feel you're suffering from what you're going through. Obviously, in any couple, when partners become indifferent to each other, when they're losing any form of genuine contact, it's a signal that communication inside their couple doesn't work anymore.
Don't you think that, in your situation, it should be the first and most important point on which to focus, - COMMUNICATION?
Try to throw away any reserve or 'shyness' and talk to her without any kind of reproach, explaining: "I feel (...), WHEN I (...), BECAUSE I (...)". This is a well-known formula, called "I-messages", by the shrinks.
You'll carefully avoid using the word YOU: 'accusing' her, making her feel guilty or putting any responsibility on her, is totally useless if you want to go forward. Just calmly, gently tell her your feelings, your sincere desire to "get the spark back".
If love is still "burning among the ashes", if she agrees to show just a touch of goodwill, then you would have made a big step forward. Reaching harmony asks indeed a mutual goodwill, some efforts from both sides to rebuild something together.
A means to find a kind of "no-mans-land" would maybe to read together the book I've written on this very subject, - reaching harmony again...

Problem: « We're not communicating. He's self-centered, not raised by a woman... » Linda (AZ, USA)

Hi, Linda. I'm Peter Nilsson, the publisher of Ivan Greindl's book "100 sure ways to help your couple" I was sensitive to the indication you put on the form during your visit on the website: "Not communicating". You see, it was precisely the (acute) problem I went through in my own relationship, -- when I met Ivan, who later became a good friend.
Lack of communication inside couples is, at the same time so universal and so easy to solve, - you can't imagine it. At all levels of your relationship, communication with your partner easily improves if you're going step by step, forgetting a possible 'shyness', expressing your tenderness, your wishes, your expectations, etc., to your soulmate.
It's one of the most essential (and most developed) points I've learned from Ivan's method. And my wife and I are still progressing today.
I sincerely wish you the same success we achieved in improving our ways of communication -- just by implementing some of the simple techniques exposed in Ivan's e-book.
Good luck!

Another quote I'd like to share with you, from George Carlin.
By the way it's always comforting to find people sharing the same ideas... ;-)

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: if it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10.Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

And always remember, - "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." »

Check it, this refreshing e-book will make you think differently about your relationship...
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ORDER it now ,
to boooost your love life!

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blog on relationship problems,relationship issues,couple communication,save marriage,relationship advice,avoiding break-up,blog for couples,real life testimonials on relationship problems,solution to relationship problem, marriage problems,marriage counseling, marriage problem advice,fixing relationship
In this e-book, you'll find solutions to solve your relationship difficulties: they're handy and easy to implement in your daily life to boost any aspect of your relationship.
Reviving with your soul-mate the Passion, Enthusiasm and Romance of your first dates is within your reach!
for instant information

Problem: « My wife and I have been together for seveal months now but I still can't last in bed. » Alexander (VT,USA)

If you somewhat trust the statistics, 90+ % among men who can't 'last', have a problem of... rubbing! This only means that maybe your wife's genitals aren't lubricated enough. This can be a real problem, particularly if she's a bit 'tight'. Two possibilities here - and several solutions:
1. Do you prepare her enough? I mean, do you manage some foreplay, with caresses, kind words, kisses overall, etc.? Is she excited enough ? Are you getting her to climax once or more before intercourse?
Are you using some sexual toys/accessories during these moments?
2. Otherwise, maybe she could have some slight hormonal problem; in this case, she could benefit from consulting her gynecologist. Some ways to solutions:
1. The first is - even if you never forget to dedicate plenty of time to tender and sensuous foreplay - to use a... lubricant. If you're not yet accustomed to this kind of product, you can't imagine how much it improves the quality and the easiness of the intercourse. You'll find them in any supermarket or drugstore.
2. During foreplay, if you managed to provide her with 3 to 5 "pre"-orgasms with your kisses, caresses and sexual accessories, she will normally climax much faster during the intercourse itself. Moreover, she will be much more 'receptive' for it.
3. Do you pay enough attention to avoid routine, habit?? Women love to be surprised; they love feeling their man concerned by their own pleasure; it's why, when they're in love, they so much appreciate to change positions, to try some new tricks, to continually renew their sexual life and the ways they're coming to climax.
4. Seduction never begins in your bedroom... Do you think enough to improve or maintain the atmosphere at home in your daily life? I mean by letting her feel that you're CONCERNED by your relationship, by her happiness...
'cause you know, women always have a somewhat romantic inner side and you need absolutely to pay attention to that. That way, she could be much better in the mood for making love and you'll largely benefit of these good dispositions.
5. To find back the 'power' of your first youth, you could ask your physician a prescription of Cialis (®. Of course, you can buy it on the Internet, BUT be cautious: consulting a MD before using that kind of products is *necessary*. Indeed, some contraindications do exist. Anyway NEVER ever take more than one pill daily!
Obviously, I can't enter here in every details but I can assure you that you'll find all the information you need to improve any domain of your life as a couple in my e-book.

Problem: « I am married since 30 yrs. We have 3 children. All are grown up. Now my wife has no more confidence on me. She says that I have a mistress and that I am spending all my income with mistresses when in fact it is not so! Everyday she quarrels with me in presence of my children. I love her but she doesn't. How to overcome that quarrel? Before I leave home for work and when I return quarrel starts. » Gopal (Mauritius)

I sympathize... What puzzles me is "How can she be so sure of your 'fault', if there is nothing true in her accusation?..."
If you're sincere and tell me the truth, the problem seems indeed essentially coming from your wife. (Contrary to your situation, usually the responsibility of a severe conflict is shared...)
However, I ask me a question: "married since 30 years, children grown up and quarrels... in presence of children." Do you mean, they are adults but still living with you?
In this case, why shouldn't you speak apart with them, asking them their frank opinion and their help? As well as what they think about their mother's bad temper and point of view?
Maybe your wife has some unsatisfied expectations in various plans and could calm herself after some efforts from your side?
The origin obviously can be a physiological one too: menopause or metabolic problems related to the thyroïd gland. (This could terribly affect the temper). Let her consult a physician.
Anyway, you can't continue like that! If your children are adults, they can earn their life and help their mother too.
Well, if those reproaches of infidelity are definitely groundless, why not trying a radical solution: leaving home and staying away for a week or two. Maybe you could stay at the home of a friend or a close relation? Should it be possible?
The shock on her mind could be beneficial in helping your wife to understand that she exaggerates and is unjust.

Problem: « Doc pls advice: I'm 24 male with avg height of 5'7", weight, 67 kg. I'm a socially active person, handling a well established business. I have noticed that after sex, I loose my concentration power, I can't express myself that way means I loose my style of expressing and presentation and all. I become bit serious. I can't even tolerate myself. What's wrong with me? Coz that shows immaturity in me. Earlier I thought it may be coz of excess or daily sex, - so I reduced that to twice or thrice a week. But it's still the same; once a week is better but that's not possible for me. You can't call this sexual weakness, coz I'm very active during sex. Pls advice. » Amin (India) Once again, a wrong (or inaccessible) email address: Hotmail, Yahoo and other free email addesses are deleted after being inactive for 3 months! Check it.

Hello, Amin, Don't be too anxious, it doesn't seem a serious health problem.
There are several possible causes for what you feel. First of all, I think you could just be a bit tired because of too much work - or too few sleep...?
Or maybe you doesn't eat in a healthy and balanced way? Maybe you could be short of some vitamins or hormones (like D.H.E.A.)?
- On another hand, lovemaking isn't a question of physical performance, you see! Did you already speak about that, with the woman you love? A point indeed puzzles me in your message: you're only talking about YOU. Lovemaking, sexuality are activities you share...
Hence, what does your wife or partner think about that situation? - if you're living with a woman.
To really be fulfilling, lovemaking has indeed to be something you're both loving to do together, - as an expression of your mutual feelings.
Again, if you speak about maturity, you've to know and remember that lovemaking is above all a way to show your tenderness to the woman you love. It has very few to do with 'power', 'performance' or 'manhood', - but instead, with sincere feelings.
If this situation has a negative impact on your inner mind, I suggest you consult a physician in order to eventually ask him some blood analysis and vitamins' cocktail to take for a month or two.
Moreover, Amin, the reaction you experience after climaxing, if maybe a bit stronger than usual, is normal for every man (especially when tired): after climax, everybody feels more or less exhausted. This is a physiological reaction issued from the involuntary nervous system (called "vegetative" system).
Try to rest for a while in your beloved's arms after lovemaking. And above all, understand that a woman loves your kisses, caresses and tender words more than your 'power'!
Think also to ask her what she really likes... you'll think less to your own sensation of weakness. :-)

Problem: « I am fraid he might leave me for the 3rd time... » Jeanne (Lebanon)

I understand your fear... The questions to ask yourself are:
- "Am I really in love with him ?"
- "Does he really deserve my love?"
- "May I rely on him, - may I rely on my very choice??"
Well, if the answers are "YES" to all, there is another "subsidiary" question:
- "Am I then, part of the problem? What could I slightly change in my attitudes towards him?"
Many young ladies, particularly in the Middle-East, receive a very strict, rigid, - harsh upbringing. No one learns them how to communicate with men and how to express them their expectations as well as their... fears.
No one helps them to make "the good choice" among men, to choose a man with discernment, - not only on their physical aspect, their social position, etc...
Hence, some of these young ladies lack information about the subject, - about how to behave with men and how to build a healthy relationship with one of them.
In this matter, my e-book could help you a lot.
Please, Jeanne, try to objectively reply to the questions I've suggested to you. Then, write me back to tell me the result of this little (but accurate) analysis.

Today, I received a mail containing a nice set of ideas. I'd like to share it with you:
                                      « Old Age, I decided, is a gift. »

« I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.
I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion.
A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think.
I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.

Problem: « Weak sex. I cannot have sex more than 5 minutes... » Amin (Pakistan)

There are several ways to help you, Amin:
1. Using "vaginal lubricant" (in pharmacies or drug stores). This helps to reduce rubbing and to last longer.
2. Having sex much more often to 'calm' your desire a little.
3. Preparing your partner, during 15 to 20 minutes (!) before the penetration itself.
This is very efficient because, with your kisses, your caresses, your gentle and tender words, your partner becomes much more aroused (and... "wet"); she even can climax before the intercourse, - and thus understand that you actually are a good, attentive and experienced lover.
4. Another efficient mean to 'last' is to show some will: each time you are feeling that your climax is very near, you move back (out of her) and stop any movement for one or two minutes. When your arousal decreases, you return in her.
Try to combine these 4 points, Amin, and I'm sure you'll find improvement.

Problem: « My husband doesn't want to have sex with with me; he said that we must wait for 1 year! » Imani (India)

In order to give you a useful answer to your personal problem, I'd need to know more details about your personal situation... For example, if you're a very young bride (as it is sometimes the case in India), then your husband could just be very kind, not wanting to hurt you...
Try to calmly and tenderly talk to him, asking him the real reason for which he won't touch you.
Because, you see, if you are indeed very young and if he is older than you are (maybe already with a sexual experience), he already could caress yo and let you climax that way, - even without penetration for the moment...
To build a strong and long-lasting couple relationship, Imani, you need first to learn to communicate with him and express your wishes and expectations, - as well as to listen to his, of course.
Try to have genuine conversations with him everyday, without any shyness, but frankly, naturally and with simplicity.
You can speak about what you both have done during the past day, as well as about your shared future, your families and everything that you find of some interest. The important is to acquire the habit of talking together without any fear.
You see, you need both to become very good friends in order to stay in love for a long time. And for that purpose, sex is not enough, you need also a whole series of other "contact points", you need to share some activities, projects, tastes, ideas, fields of interest, dreams, etc. And above all, you always need to maintain a good, daily communication.
Think also, both of you, to often show your tenderness and to value each other's qualities and actions.
All these points are largely developed in my book, the one you have seen on my website. It is filled with a crowd of useful information. I'm sure it will help you both to build a solid relationship together.

Problem: « Frustration, commitment... » Johanna. (U.S.A.)

- Frustration(s) in a couple relationship often have the same origin: bad communication!
If you daily talk together, have genuine dialogues between the two of you, then you can express your expectations This way, your partner is aware of your wishes and can respond to them.
You know that men generally are not very... subtle, don't you? Hence they need clear explanations: you have to tell them frankly, without any useless shyness all what you have to say; you need to get all that off your chest!
- The same for his commitment. Your message is rather brief, but I imagine that one of your problems is that he doesn't show himself very enthusiastic about that?
Well, I suggest you to slightly modify your attitude. Sometimes it's enough to look as if you "release your grip". If he clearly knows your expectations on that point and doesn't reply as you wish, wait some weeks, seeming more indifferent.
In the same time, show yourself as... unique, really original; put your imagination to get out of your habits, throw away any kind of routine. Do something with him that is completely unusual. Show yourself as different. You could even change something in your look and in your general behavior.
For example, often make him laugh, try to associate your image in his mind with joy, carefreeness and good mood.
You see, Johanna, as you have some frustrations and concerns for now, your mood probably isn't very cheerful. If your partner is not as much in love with you that you'rewith him, the risk is to seem a bit... boring.
- Anyway, in my eyes, the best attitude to have with him for now is to talk and listen to him, to do more things or activities together and to express your respective expectations.
Good luck and best wishes. :-)

Problem: « How do I deal with honesty? I have all the honesty in the world but it seems he lies over and over again. I love him and know that he loves me but I can't live when I don't trust. » Stephanie (U.S.A.)

I understand quite well what you mean - and feel. Maybe his attitude comes from childhood's problems and wounds. So many children learn to lie because they're afraid to be 'caught': they feel to always facing injustice and then they "can't obey". For them, it's then normal to always find some excuses, to continuously disguise the truth, - even for not important things.
Later, if they haven't reached a normal adult maturity, this habit continues.
Anyway, why don't you talk about that with him? Seriously but calmly, without reproaches: just telling him how you're suffering from this attitude.
Another explanation obviously could be that he really has something to hide to you... It's why a "responsible" discussion between the two of you is so much important. (But I strongly suggest that you avoid any raising in your voice's tone. ;-) )
Indeed, a healthy relationship can't be built and can't last without trust. If he doesn't understand such an evidence, you could face some hard years in front of you.
The question is: does he love you as well as you love him?? Or does his 'love' appear above all to be a... physical desire?
Does he show you - and prove you - some genuine feelings, such as tenderness, small attentions, concerns about you and your daily life, solidarity facing various decisions or chores, etc, etc.?
Maybe a reflection and a (calm) discussion about these subjects could be fruitful.
A last suggestion for you today, Stephanie, is to share much more with him: doing some activities (sports, hobby, ...), with him, trying to spend more time together - for interesting things as well as for entertainments.
When the partners are communicating and sharing, half of the way down to a better love life is done!

Problem: « Been seeing a girl for 3 years now, who just wants to meet and doesn't want any love relationship... What can someone do in this case to have her fall in love with me? » Bryan (Japan)

Your situation is rather delicate indeed: the origin of her 'indifference' can be multiple! For example:
- She could have love feelings for... someone else;
- She would well have a love relationship, but with someone of the same country / education / social background / religion / fields of interest or other criteria...
- Maybe she finds you very kind but possibly looks for a guy with more money or a more important job...
- Maybe she prefers for now keeping focused on her studies, or her job or her family,...
- Maybe she'd prefer to meet a man with another kind of physique, or more sturdy, or more romantic, or more 'refined', polished...
- If she's Japanese and not you, maybe she's scared about a relationship with a foreigner?

You see, there are a lot of possibilities. If you think that the reason is not mentioned above, just try to have better communication with her: be frank, D A R E!   ASK her!
Another way is to make a lot of things together: so she will know you better and maybe discover some of your qualities that she never noticed. For example, women love men who make them laugh or men who are very reliable, etc...
Anyway, in my book, you'll find a large amount of information on how to build and maintain a long-lasting relationship; trust me, you'll certainly find there a series of useful ideas!

Problem: « What are the effects of a parent's infidelity on children? » Ray (U.K.)

You obviously understand that these effects are depending of your kids' age, of the circumstances and also of their own sensitivity. They of course are afraid of what they don't understand and of what they don't know (possible separation...).
Generally children are deeply hurt by what they feel a betrayal, an incomprehensible and despicable injustice.
An important point is to keep them away from any discussion or argument concerning a present infidelity: it's an adult problem to be fixed between adults; being witness of their parents' conflicts always is traumatizing for a child. The large range of negative effects includes: incomprehension, fear of abandon, anxiety, serious school problems, enuresis, strong emotional disturbance, nourishment disorders, character's imbalance, depression, rejection of the adults' world, despising and even... hating, etc.
Another difficulty usually is that they're too young to understand the infidelity's first cause, its real origin. Hence, they are judging without knowing and they show strongly negative feelings against the 'guilty party'. Actually, they can't understand that, if you find what you need at home, why the heck would you look for it elsewhere?? Because you're fond of problems?
Children's character is uncompromising, their reactions unbending; for that reason, in their eyes a cheating parent is guilty of a very disappointing deception. (Their judgment always is in black and white...)

Problem: « I have ED and use a pump; how far should one go in foreplay, if she likes it all? » Alexander (CO, USA)

I presume that by ED you mean erection disorder? Don't forget that foreplay is not just a way to bring her mechanically to climax before the intercourse itself! Psychological aspects have their importance too 'cause they all are sensitive to caresses, kisses, compliments, nice words, tenderness... and a touch of romance! All this could improve a lot the quality of intercourse as well as the one of your couple relationship itself.
Using some sexual toys or intimate accessories during foreplay also can be a good idea; but keep in mind that your soul mate is not just a body, she has a mind too. ;-)
Seduction never begins in your bedroom: you can 'prepare' her for hours or days "before", by your general behavior with her; by your cheerfulness, your attentions, your consideration to her needs and expectations. 'Penetration' itself isn't all what she needs...

Problem: « My husband and I are very different (education, tastes, upbringing…) and we argue ceaselessly. But something in my heart 'binds' me to him; I can't manage to leave him! I cannot imagine myself with somebody else because I know he loves me truly and we've lived very good moments together. I believe the problem is in me: when I say to him "I want to go away, make your own life with somebody else!", he replies that he wants a child with me! What to do, when living with somebody like that?? I know that if I don't want to leave him, then I need to stop criticizing him and accepting him like he is, - without trying to change him or wishing to see him fit the criteria of the ideal man...» Elena (Canada)

You at least made a clear analysis of your situation. ;-)
1.The first part of the solution, dear Elena, is to re-learn to COMMUNICATE with him, as well as to moderate your emotional reactions. You are different? O.k. Then, it's indeed necessary to accept him or to leave him. (To see more clearly what to do here and how to do it, you don't imagine how much my book could help both of you...)
2. You have to do more things together, to share: make him discover what you like, instead of quarreling because you don't always like the same things. Show your interest for what he likes too...
By each of you making some concessions, you could get out of there, - not by holding at any price on your positions, wanting each one to be right!
3. A child will not move you closer. Never believe people who say you that a baby brings a failing couple together again! It is false. When enjoying a harmonious and balanced life as a couple, having a child together is the most wonderful experience. But your agreement has at first to be good. Otherwise the baby's presence will stress your conflicts: you'll be tired, so much busy with the baby. Your husband will feel frustrated because you'll be not as much available as before for making love. And also, because you'll take less care of him all the time... A man needs a genuine maturity to understand and accept that the baby's presence not only means good moments, but also a huge responsibility.
It's also the synonym for very bad nights - during months; the anxiety about his/her health; the continual tiredness due to the lack of sleep; the sexual desire often pushed aside; a considerable series of new concerns... and expenses. In a word, the complete turnover of your life as a couple!
You'd better think of all this before making a kid, Elena. Besides, as your agreement will not improve because of the presence of the child, you'll both wonder why; you'll again want to leave but this time, you'll have a baby who needs his two parents.
Think about all this, Elena - and read my book! :-)

Problem: « Hello, honourable director. After ejaculation, my wife says: ' Did you finish? I do not sense your semen!'. My wife does not have any sense with my semen; is it normal? Or should she know when I ejaculated?" » Mahmoud (Iran)

This is frequent and not "abnormal". It's related with your own hormones' blood concentration, as well as with the ejaculation's "strength" and with the quantity of seminal liquid - which is very variable.
On another side, the sensibility of women about that point obviously is not always the same.
You'd better focus yourself on her orgasms and her possible 'ejaculations' (20% of women), instead of being concerned by this pretended problem: it's NOT a "problem" - even if it is indeed 'mentally' more exciting for her to feel your climax. Anyway this has nothing to do with your manhood!
In my e-book, you'll find a lot of practical ideas and suggestions on how to improve or revive your intimacy with your wife. She will be very grateful to you when you'll let her discover several positions, intimate caresses and sexual "toys" that will increase the number and strength of her orgasms, particularly during foreplay.
Because the majority of men are above all concerned by their own climax, this reading will enormously and rapidly help you both. :-)

Problem: « I take a long time to get an orgasm. » 'Golden Hair' (Bermudas)

May I presume you're a girl? Sometimes reaching orgasm is indeed difficult. There are many possible causes. The most frequent one is when your man doesn't 'prepare' you enough and (consequently!) ejaculates too quickly...
If he takes plenty of time for a very tender and loving foreplay you'll already climax one or many times, before the intercourse itself. Your genitals will then be perfectly lubricated. This way, the 'rubbing' is less important... and your lover can resist much longer. So, you can climax too. Period.
[Sorry to seem a bit rude, but in fact you can determine the real origin of your difficulty in a very simple way...: if you easily climax when you're caressing yourself, you know that, with him, the foreplay needs to be more 'efficient'... To be complete, some health problems can have an influence too: a small infection or a hormonal deficiency. This can be solved by your gynecologist.]
OBVIOUSLY, an orgasm isn't only a question of technique! To reach sensual harmony, you can't underestimate the importance of feelings, of love, of a good agreement between the two of you: this helps a lot. As well as your psychological preoccupations, or anxiety about being pregnant, etc.: these have to be solved before everything, if climaxing is difficult for you.
You have to be relax, - just thinking to love and be loved. Of course this implies that your partner's love is a priority for him, before his personal desire and own pleasure...
You'll find a 'mine' of information about intimacy, foreplay, fantasies, naughty games and accessories which will improve your sexuality and the pleasure you feel in lovemaking, in my e-book: « 100 sure ways to help your couple ». Read it, both of you: it's amusing and interesting but, above all, this reading will help you.

Problem: « Which ways do you know to show your love when you're shy? » Patrick (IRL)

This is a good question, - that means 'difficult to answer'. However, I'd suggest several ways:
1. A tender look; keeping your eyes continuously 'attached' to hers, with a loving expression: a woman quickly understands this kind of attitude;
2. Without any exaggeration or insipidness, valuing her, doing her some nice and sincere compliments, - obviously not the ones of any ' womanizer ' (you certainly know what I mean);
3. Smiling to her with your eyes;
4. Managing some pleasant and interesting activities and/or going out together: by increasing the occasions to meet her, you'll speak together more often. So, you'll progressively learn to better know each other and you'll become closer;
5. Writing her a short and very kind letter: this way, you can carefully choose your words and tell her more easily what you want her to know. Don't be too romantic (you don't want her to think you're old-fashioned), but just kind and respectful. You could tell something about her two or three qualities you prefer.
6. You have to know that if she is fond of you (and hopefully less shy than you are), she'll act too! Don't be too anxious, let trust to fate. :-)
Good luck.

Problem: « I'm in deep love with a girl who is a Christian and I'm Hindu. We both love each other honestly and we can't stay without each other. It's next to impossible for us to be departed. We want 2 marry but now the problem is that my parents and family are against that, they said that I have 2 choose: either family or that girl. Now I can neither leave my family nor my lover. So pls advice me. » Ray. India.

If you think again about your problem, it really seems that your family still reacts like in the 18th century or before! Their attitude is completely... old-fashioned. Of course I know that every country has its own customs and habits, however, being a Christian is not like having a venereal disease!!!!! ;-)
500 years ago, there was in England a guy, called William Shakespeare; you heard of him? He wrote some eternal master-pieces for the theatre. One of them is a tragedy, called "Romeo and Juliet". (Two teenagers from two enemy families, in deep love too).
Well, maybe could it be understandable to see a problem like yours between two lovers from two enemy families or countries...
But from two religions? WHY? Anyone has the right to be and to think differently, - even in a couple. This is a fundamental principle for any society of the 21st century.

I see two possibilities for you:
1. You love each other? You're both fully sure of your feelings, perfectly trusting each other? I mean it's not only your mutual desire that you're sharing? You also have common values, you share the same tastes, ideas, opinions, projects,... etc.; you both sincerely want your soul-mate to be truly happy in the frame of a fulfilling harmonious and long-lasting relationship?
If yes, then you'd talk calmly, respectfully and cheerfully to your parents. Tell them that you'd infinitely regret the choice they impose you but you couldn't accept this choice. Period.
Ask them to meet your fiancée; so they could appreciate her qualities.
If they don't agree, quit them - not her! If you quit her, you'll regret it for your whole life and you'll begin to hate your family. Anyway, when she will be pregnant, if your parents are "normal", they couldn't resist opening their arms to her.
You see, Ray, I, myself, made this very choice: my parents didn't accept my marriage because I was (and still am!) 8 years younger than my wife. Moreover, at this time I hadn't finished my studies.
Indeed, I didn't see my parents for 3 years. Then they heard that my wife was pregnant and they understood that you never can't do anything against true love :-)

2. Become independent. So, you could "try" a common life as a couple for a while. That way, after 6-12 or 18 months, you both could be sure that your love is the strongest and you could marry her.
During this "trial" time, your fiancée should of course daily take hormones in order to avoid any pregnancy, - or you could yourself use condoms.
I know: you'll probably tell me "But, living together before being married is against morality!"
Yes, my friend, but listen to me: YOU and YOU ONLY are responsible of you own life and happiness. NOT your parents, family, religious community, friends or neighbors! No, - you alone. HENCE, don't let them decide at your place what you have to do. It's you who would live with eternal regrets, not them.
I obviously don't know how old you are. But this isn't the point. No, the point is: are you both sure that your feelings are long-lasting, that this isn't just a temporary physical passion??
If you are sure of it, you'll both find the courage and determination to reach your common objective: living together.
If you're too young to live presently as independent married people, "try" a pre-marital life as a couple. Why? Because, you see, living daily with someone can be marvelous in the first time.
But the passion rarely last, because of the differences in characters, the other one's faults, the way (s)he reacts, their sensibility, and so on.
It's why a "trial" is a good way. I made it for 2 1/2 years: I had an uncle who had told me, "When I purchase a suit, I try it too..." ;-)
And listen: it began in 1961! At this time, we also were religious and living together before being married was a strictly forbidden "sin".
Sin or not sin, - the priests or religious ministers didn't care at all of our happiness... This was our job.
Ray, I'm not aware of your own situation, age and financial status, local or religious customs. It's why I just can give you my personal and subjective opinion.
However, the choice of your life must be yours - not the one of your parents and family. They have had their own life and sorrows. You have to make your own experiments...
Because you don't seem to already have any passed experience of a life as a couple, my book shall be very useful to help the two of you avoiding the common mistakes made by young couples, - notably in terms of communication and intimacy.

Problem: « Orgasm... » Virginia (CT, USA)

Dear Virginia, Your - so concise! - message seemingly translates a delicate problem... I could try to help you the best as I can, with pleasure, about this subject; however, in order to usefully help you, could you please give me some more explanations about you (age, health, relationship)?
Are you feeling some difficulties to reach orgasm with your partner - or alone too? In both cases, I can assure you that this can be solved. :-)
The important point is to determine the exact origin of the problem. Indeed, there can be:
- Psychological causes.
Examples: if your partner needs to be more attentive to your pleasure, to sensuous foreplay, taking plenty of time; if intercourse are too fast; if they're lacking of tenderness; if the two of you need at first to improve... communication or solve some tensions; etc.
- Physical causes.
Examples: sometimes, even after tender foreplay, female genitals lack lubrication or seem too 'tight'.
This is so 'mechanically' stimulating for the man that he often can't resist more than a few minutes... Generally, a way too short time to fully arouse his beloved. (A loving soulmate rapidly finds the remedies: tender words, wet kisses, or... lubricating cream.)

But, if your relationship perfectly fulfills you on a psychological point of view, if your partner comes up to your various expectations, maybe you'd have some hormonal or medical slight problems.
To eliminate this particular cause, consulting your gynecologist should be a good idea.
Don't hesitate to write me again, Virginia: I've a "large ear" and I'm sure that my program " How to Boooost Your Love Life, - and Savor It!' should be of a great help! ;-)

Another post today to reply to a website visitor's unusual question.
Question: « Could you quote me just 10 words to reach harmony in your life as a couple? » Alexander (Sacramento, CA, USA)
I'll do my best to try. I think my choice should be (in alphabetic order):
* Communication
* Empathy
* Indulgence
* Intimacy
* Listening
* Seducing
* Sharing
* Synergy (mutual aid & action)
* Tenderness
* Valuing
Now MY question is: in what order of importance do you classify them?


It's difficult to list all the powerful information this method contains; but here are some of them:
If you require inner strength and a second breath in your relationship;
If you want a fulfilling sex life, - which can be just a consequence of improved communication!
If you're looking for a good plan for improving and enjoying your relationship;
If you know what to do but need to do what you know,
then you need to read this e-book and implement its techniques. I'll provide you with amazingly useful information but I can't take action for you.
Don't let that happen, start moving forward by applying what you read: only YOU are responsible for your success. If you want to experience something different you have to be different.

"Most people never run far enough on their first wind
to find out they've got a second."(William James)
In « 100 sure ways to help your couple » you'll find easy, practical and efficient solutions to boost every aspects of your relationship. Living again with your soulmate, the complcity, tendreness and harmony of your first dates now is within your reach too!
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