to boredom, routine,
quarrels and frustrations:

don't let them invade your
relationship anymore.

              Replies to real life situations [1]
She wants too much sex!
He's never available to us
He is too desirous of sex: I'm just 23!
Young husband needs some info
My husband is a rather poor lover
Should I marry him?
I'm suffering from a too small penis.
How to, at last, satisfy her
I can't climax with my husband
He doesn't take account of my opinion
"Loose"... ??
He's 17 years older.
Sex without climax
Violent relationship
Never underestimate the impression
Embrace imperfection...
A very silent guy
Does he love me?
Seeking variety
A challenging interview
Eternal words
Do you mean "perfect"??
An appropriated quote
A lying manipulator
Single during 8 years
Today, I've a joke for you
How to enjoy my sex life?
Gays have the same problems
How to cope with indifference?
He really is too fussy
He became so distant
Harmony in marriage

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Or here, to read some words about the author

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to find practical solutions:

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blog on relationship problems,relationship issues,couple communication,save marriage,relationship advice,avoiding break-up,blog for couples,real life testimonials on relationship problems,solution to relationship problem, marriage problems,marriage counseling, marriage problem advice,fixing relationship Get SOLUTIONS to your couple problems: "100 Sure Ways to Help Your Couple"

Are you dreaming of quick and easy solutions to some couple problems?

Don't be anxious, it's normal; you know that you aren't alone: I'm receiving... hundreds of e-mails from people who went through similar difficulties. How did they overcome them? With a shared touch of goodwill, they just implemented a series of practical solutions, like the ones gathered in my action-plan presented on this website as an electronic book.

Here below, you'll find some personal replies to messages received by readers distraught by their relationship issues. These real-life situations are lived world-wide, in every cultures or civilizations. They all remain quite topical and humanly concerning.
All these emails are stricly authentic. First names are changed.
Ivan Greindl

But first, let me please remind you something useful:
       How to feel alive, free and happy, - in our mind as well as in our life as a couple?
The secret (within everyone's range) is to focus on our « adult side », - free, autonomous and responsible. How to achieve this?
By getting conscientiously free from what shrinks call « the wounded child in us », - the painful marks of our childhood's sufferings.
According to our own sensitivity, to our real-life experiences, the 'job' could be demanding: but if we 'feed' the memories of these old wounds, how could we feel adult? How to live as an adult? How to establish adult relationships with other adults?
   Our couple relationship reflects our own attitude towards our past and our perception of ourselves: if our life remains influenced by our childhood's wounds, if we're continuously thinking of them, we'll remain in the state of "wounded child" unable to take care of ourselves by acting as an adult. Like children, we'll expect from our parents or others happiness and satisfactions considered as our due.
Being both 'wounded children' in a relationship will lead to frustrations and continuous quarrels: each partner will expect everything from the other one...

Getting free from this "wounded child" frame of mind, becoming fulfilled adults needs to stop being under our parents' psychological domination, freeing ourselves from their negative judgments. Just accepting ourselves as we are, is enough for that purpose: without too severe judgments, but with honest lucidity and a certain amount of indulgent tenderness.
We'll then be really aware of our adult condition. This helps us to 'give up', to calm down our passed resentments, to cure our old wounds. These are means within our range for:
* Unlocking our mind, opening ourselves to the present and future;
** Understanding and agreeing that we are the only responsible for our own life;
*** Opening ourselves to others too to establish with them balanced, harmonious, warm and mature relationships.

« I know the problems you're facing and how to solve most of them 'cause I've been where you are right now. It's why I generally can evaluate your difficulties and answer your questions, giving you some practical suggestions.
I hope they'll suit your particular needs and help you to start a genuine improvement in your relationship. In fact, I wrote this eBook (more largely introduced on the main page), because I'd understand how important it often is, after a while, to feel the spark back! »


Only one word frees us of all the weight and
pain in life: LOVE. (Sophocles -496/-406 BC)

• Your questions or comments
•  My answers

Real life situations

Problem: « I'm a 27 years old boy and my girlfriend is 34. She has a 2 years old baby of her ex-husband and divorced 1 year ago. Our relationship is now 4 months old. We have sex almost every day. Someday more than one time! Now, I feel it should be reduced because it surely damages my health. But my partner wants to continue that for next few months. How could I manage this problem? » » Philip (U.K.)

Well, lucky man! You're complaining to have too much sex??? And with a (seemingly) more experienced woman than you are? You're just ignoring your good fortune! ;-)
Relax, my friend: this could absolutely not "damage your health", in no way. Trust me.
But if you ask her to decrease the frequency, she will be frustrated and soon, could leave you…
Hence, my best pieces of advice should be:
• to complete your information about the life as a couple in every domains, particularly intimacy;
• to use some (2-3) sex-toys: so you could easily let her climax, just with 'preliminaries', without having to do all that "hard work" yourself…

Problem: « Me and my fiancé, whom I share a daughter with, can never get along. He works mornings and I work evenings, so we never see each other. During the time we both are off, he leaves to be with his friends. He will tell me one minute he loves me, then the next, he's not happy and I need to move back in with my mother, or take a break... » Charlene (IL, USA)

Your partner apparently doesn't seem to be really in love with you, or at least he's not sure of: leaving you when you both have some free time, preferring his 'friends', means that he has no sense at all about what a healthy relationship has to be.
Following your description, he seems to be indifferent to his various partner's and father's responsibilities:
• the need of sharing,
• the need of being attentive (to you and his daughter);
• the need of being available for his family; and above all,
• the need of 'maintaining' the relationship, particularly with good communication.
Mutual trust and daily communication are pillars to build a couple relationship on. Without them, you can't have any future together. However, you and your daughter have the right to be happy, to fulfill yourselves – with or without him…
Another point to check is: does he mention his 'friends' as a pretext? Does he really spend his free time with them or with… another charming lady with lovely eyes?? Because, you see, such a behavior obviously is rather 'out of bounds'.
Conclusion: It should be nice if you could have together a:
• very calm,
• serious,
• totally frank,
• well prepared,
• without any reproach or judgment (!),
• concerning every 'burning' points, C O N V E R S A T I O N.
Or, if it's not possible, you could list your thoughts and demands in a short letter. What's important is to:
• explain your various expectations (in details);
• listen to his points of view too, without interruption;
• ask him to detail his own expectations and why he feels unhappy;
• ask him to frankly expose his view about the future: you can't live without clearly knowing if his secret desire is to break up!
prepare yourself to this possibility, keeping your self-control, understanding that this is a very frequent situation world-wide and it's not the 'end of the world';
• avoiding to paint a black picture of your partner in front of your daughter: she should be kept away from your adults' conflicts and understand that anyway he'll continue to love her.
• remember that, if a possible separation is an ordeal, you can reduce it to a minimum for you and your daughter by behaving yourselves as balanced, responsible adults. This means avoiding to argue in front of her. Avoiding shouts and tears, keeping one's dignity is a massive advantage if you want to preserve (for your daughter) some 'normality' in your future relations.
You see: every solution to a couple crisis begin by good communication.

Problem: « My boyfriend is very desirous of sex. He always wants to be physical with me but I have my limitations that I cannot cross: I'm just 23. Please, advise me what to do, how to control him? » Phulan (India)

I don't think the problem is your 'limits': either you're really in love with him and having sex is something you enjoy together. Or, you're not sure to love him. Or maybe, his technique to physically seduce you is not the one you appreciate, I mean his attitudes with you during your intimate moments is not the way they should be.
But being 23 is an ideal age to discover the joys of a shared intimacy when being in love!
However, you obviously need to be prepared and open-minded towards the adult life… And this depends from the upbringing you received: if it was a very traditional, severe one, limiting any female freedom, if you learned to consider sexuality as a sin, or as evil, it's normal that you feel to have 'limits'. I can understand this point of view.
Thus, the best piece of advice I could give you is to increase and develop healthy communication with your mate: ANY solution to a couple crisis first implies good communication. Always!
If you really LOVE him, you should speak to him, – calmly and with your heart; explaining him what you FEEL. Avoiding any reproaches, you should ask him to be patient, soft and kind.
The two of you should as well (in emergency!) COMPLETE YOUR INFORMATION about the various aspects of the conjugal life and, above all, about the place of intimacy in a harmonious life as a couple.
That way, your boyfriend shall discover how important it is to first seduce his beloved's heart and mind, before trying to caress her erogenous zones… ;-)
On your side, you shall discover new horizons, you shall be amazed when you'll have passionate embraces and gorgeous climaxes in his arms…
On another hand, I completely agree with you: all this has to be progressive! Your BF has to show himself a delicate guy, attentive to seduce you with patience and... romanticism.
Leading a fulfilling love life can't be done under any pressure or constraint: it of course has nothing in common with any kind of 'rape'!!
Phulan, understand me: if you're not desiring him yourself, this means you don't love him. In this case, the best way is to cut off.
Because if you're genuinely in love with a guy at your age, sex should be an important part of your daily joys… And you shouldn't speak about some hypothetic "limits that you cannot cross" and ask me "how to control his passion".
Conclusion? You don't seem to love him. Period.

Problem: « Dear Sir, I am 27 male, married. I have a problem with my sex life. I am newly married; when I do sex with my partner, she bleeds a little. I am still virgin. Is it a common problem or is it something wrong ? My penis' size is 6 inches and thin. Please, help me: I' m in depression. » Gumvant (India)

I'm not sure to clearly understand your question. But I'm quite sure that both of you should complete your information about the life as a couple…
If your wife bleeds a little bit, it could be that she too is virgin. That seems not very important IF she has no pain. Otherwise, bring her to the nearest hospital to consult a good doctor.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT, on the contrary is to protect her, as well as yourself, with a condom, till the day, in the future, when the two of you will want a baby.
Take your time before that decision: begin with learning to know each other; to share fine moments together; to be tender and cheerful; to learn how to speak together every day in order to manage your relationship and to live in harmony. Show her that you're sincerely thinking to her happiness, – in the daily life as well as in your intimate moments.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT, on the intimate plan, is to take plenty of time! You have to prepare her before an intercourse: by your kind, loving words; by your compliments on her beauty; by your kisses; by your careful and delicate caresses on her whole body, etc. (And don't forget using a vaginal lubricant: it's very useful and delicious!)
A woman needs to feel loved for herself, before lovemaking. If you show yourself hasty, if you seek to penetrate her immediately, the intercourse will be too short to bring her to climax.
On the opposite, if she realizes that you're very attentive to her, being patient and delicate, respecting her feelings, her possible shyness, you'll then become the man of her life, Gumvant!
You have to realize, dear friend, that sex begins in your BRAIN. Particularly for her.
It's why it's so precious to seduce her mind before thinking to penetrate her: that way, if she's quite shy for the moment, she will progressively be in demand for sex. Otherwise, she would remain passive and you sex life would rapidly become boring.
It's rather important too, in order to learn to better know her, to ask her what she likes; what she wants you to do her and what she doesn't like at all.
You see, Gumvant, women's sensitivity is very different from ours. So, if you show yourself as an attentive, caring and... respectful man, your wife will progressively be reassured and she'll open herself to wild sensuality. Being kind, loving, delicate; thinking to make her climax even before intercourse itself, by your kisses and caresses is the secret: you'll soon find her grateful and deeply in love with you. Good luck!

Problem: « I'm sexually very active but my husband is not. Whenever I go near him, he just want to relax. And I get angry. And we sleep unhappily. Please, tell me what should I do. Many of times I control myself, because I will not disturb him... but during night I'm losing my control. Thank you for your help. » Adhika (India)

I sympathize with such an acute problem, understanding how painful it can be. (Your husband really doesn't realize his good luck!) It's obviously important to respect his point of view… but you haven't always to fear "disturbing him"!
Available solutions depend from several points that you'd have to determine by yourself:
• Do I love him still enough to stay with him, despite such a poor intimacy?
• Does he still love me??
• Could I possibly think to... divorce?
• Could I possibly think to meet another, more attentive man?
• Should he possibly know another woman?...
• Is he in a normal physical shape? (Otherwise, firmly asking him to consult an urologist MD at the nearest hospital should be an excellent idea. Indeed, and particularly in the... Indian subcontinent, the number of men suffering from erection dysfunction seems rather important after 40-45 years of age!)
Do we speak enough, daily, to each other? (Good communication always is the first step to a couple relationship problem!)
• If he doesn't want to regularly make love to me, could he however, hug me, be tender and affectionate, caress me – even till climax?
• Otherwise, could I possibly… masturbate in his arms? Etc… As I write it above, you should firstly try to have a courteous, calm conversation with him. You'd choose a quiet moment, when you're sure not to be disturbed. And, without any reproach, you'd tell him something like this:
– "My dear, we have to speak together: I feel so sorry that we have such few intimate moments. You see, I really need to be loved and to regularly make love with the man I love (if it's true, of course…). I am a passionate woman, in perfect shape, I'm too young to live as an old widow. Thus, I have a strong expectation, ? that we should make love at least two or three times a week. If you'd find this too much, could I suggest you to consult an urologist-MD? Because, he could prescribe you, for example, CIALIS ® (Tadalafil ®): this is a generally quite well supported medicine in such cases. What do you think about helping our relationship to last, showing a bit of goodwill?"
Speaking this way, Adhika, you understand that he couldn't find any criticism, reproach or bad judgment in your words: you don't accuse him, you don't "attack" him, you're just telling him what YOU feel, your sorrow. I'd suggest that you'd go with him to see an urologist-MD, so you're sure that things are in progress.
On another side, if he thinks that when married everything is granted for life, he's wrong. He should complete his information about the various aspects of the couple relationship!
A last word: he should NEVER ever take male hormones or try to buy medicines on the Internet because 45% of them are fakes!
Hope these ideas will help.

Problem: « I am 21 and have, since 3 years, a relationship with a 13 y. older man. We've had a normal sexual life when we met -- he is from Hyderabad and I live in Delhi (1300 km). I went to Hyderabad last year and we stayed 2 months together, being very close. However, in august 2010 I started working and he doubted: he thought I was dating someone else! It badly impacted my love life. Now feel he avoids me, doesn't talk much and we haven't sex anymore. When I ask him, he answers he has a lot of work... I tried asking him what happened but he didn't answer. I get frustrated and all this leads us to argue. Please advise me and tell me if this is because we have 13 years age gap. » "Laghuvi" (India)

• 13 years indeed is quite a gap. In the future you should meet serious problems because this difference will seem you heavier and heavier every year.
• Living without mutual confidence, becomes rapidly unbearable. If he is jealous and/or excessively possessive, you'll have many frustrated and unhappy moments.
• The first name you're using isn't an Indian name. Is your BF, Indian? Because in this case, you have to think to another series of painful problems if you foresee to marry him: the gap between your cultures, your habits, religions and his. I regularly receive numerous of emails from Indian people who both are from the same culture and however, deeply preoccupied because they just haven't the same religion or aren't from… the same caste!!!
Having an affair with a man for sometimes may have brought you some happiness. But, if you're envisaging a marriage or a long lasting relationship, you'd better complete your information about the daily life as a couple on the long range. So you could make a much more secured choice for your own future and avoid a lot of "fatal traps".
You obviously could be happy but you have to think about all the difficult moments you'd have with an older man: do you really think he could be respecting, valuing and cheerful enough to manage your own autonomy, your right to think and feel differently? Your right to be different? With your own needs, wishes and desires?
Shouldn't you be anxious about being submitted after a while -- particularly if he's jealous??
Take your time, Laghuvi! A long lasting relationship with an older man certainly is a decision which must be (very) carefully thought, because you have to be 120 % sure of the sincerity of his love and his genuine will to contribute to your happiness on the long range… I wish you to find that happiness!
« Thanks a ton for these precious pieces of advice. I am not able to understand whether I should continue the relationship or not. 13 years is a huge difference but when we started our relation it was all smooth. We both are Indians and form the same religion (Christian). I am afraid to leave him because I have slept with him and our parents are aware of our relationship.
Due to some financial issue, I have lot tension in my mind but still I manage and deal with it well. But what I can't undedstand is how to see a 34 years old man so unbalanced in his life. For these reasons, I feel unable to control my mind; this leads me to high anger; I become restless; I feel hungry and thirsty all the time and am always in an irritating mood. I get lot of sexual feelings but my partner doesn't, as I told you. What's the solution so that I can have peace of mind. »

• Your parents are not a part of the problem. They ought not to be! It will be your choice. Exclusively.
• Financial issues aren't neither: you'll end in resolving them.
• Thinking to marry him without being deeply sure of his present feelings and desire, that point alone IS the problem's heart.
• Without knowing the two of you, how could I give you a valid recommendation, a detailed and personal 'solution'? But what I can tell you for sure is that any viable solution should come through improving communication between you.
And this depends on your… boldness! Indeed,
• You can cheerfully ask him, what's wrong - if you dare.
• You can tell him your expectations: as to feel more tenderness, to share more dialogs and more sex moments…) -- if you dare.
• You can share more things and activities together -- if you dare to ask him to be more available for you..
• You can speak together about your shared future, -- if you dare.
• As well as you can gently ask him what he deeply thinks about this shared future, -- if you dare.
• You can ask him to explain you what are his expectations, -- if you dare.
You see, Laghuvi, this is a question of daring to speak. If you remain silent, feeling uneasy to express your doubts and your fears, you won't be able to resolve the situation in order to find back this "peace of mind" you seek.
• A point on which it could be useful to focus your mind on for now is to realize that your life belongs to you and YOU ONLY. The same with your choices. Don't let anyone (even your parents or a priest) to interfere with your own choices.
If YOU feel you're going in the right direction, well, ok: it's your responsibility. You have to assume it.
But pleaaase, think carefully about it, first.

Problem: « Sir, My name is Amiya. My age is 25 y. My penis is very thin & short (4 inches). So, how can I do to have my penis longer and taller? » Amiya (India)

I don't know why this frustrating problem is so frequent amongst Indian men: I often receive emails about it. Well, as you know, this is not precisely my "niche" but take a look on Google, at “penis enlargement”. You’ll find there a huge series of treatments and methods, like for example, penis enlargement guide.
However, always BE CAREFUL: NEVER buy any medicine on the Internet, especially hormones (!) or medicines pretended to solve your problem. You’ll never know exactly what you’re buying because there is a large amount of expensive but fake medicines on the Web (counterfeits).
To overcome that painful question, you absolutely have to be very attentive to some points:
• male hormones potentially are very dangerous for men’s prostate (high risk of later cancer);
• moreover, to be efficient, they have to be injected;
• medicines are ONLY to buy in serious, “established” pharmacies;
• “mechanical” methods are safer than pills treatments;
• in some cases, the surgical introduction of a penis’ prosthesis, could also be an interesting possibility;
• anyway, consulting a competent doctor-urologist in the nearest hospital, always is a wise decision before acting: he could give you some useful pieces of advice.
ONE thing is sure: if you’re ready to act, there are efficient ways to help you.

P.S. A good documentation is to find here: Wikipedia and here: penis amp.
Other methods you could find on Google are for instance,
I personally know nothing about them but they seem less risky than pills!

Problem: « My real problem is satisfying my wife on bed. Please, I need tips and what to do on bed that will make her yearn for more and scream for the first time since five years of marriage. Thanks. » Dan (Nigeria)

You ask me to summarize my whole book in one email... How could I?
If you really want to overcome your problem, be reassured: there are solutions and various easy to implement techniques to satisfy your wife
However, if you want to succeed, you have to take action: to complete your information about intimacy and, more generally, about how to manage a harmonious life as a couple. Indeed, you see, seduction never begins in your bedroom!... I'm sure you'll find the answers you're looking for in my eBook-program: it's rather an amusing one, which will interest the two of you and, above all, it will help you to improve your relationship, – among others, on the intimate side: a whole section is dedicated to intimacy.

Problem: « Giving oral sex to my husband is excellent, but when it comes to the actual penetration I can't get on top, it pops out. Mind you he is a 50 year old who's erection is not like a younger man's. I'm always on the bottom. Need variety. » Angela (ID - USA)

How lucky you are… to just have such a simple problem to solve!
• The first thing to realize is that oral sex has obviously to be shared: I suggest (if there isn't yet enough reciprocity) you ask your husband to proceed the same way with you, of course. So you could easily climax even without a satisfying (following) penetration.
• You need variety? Did you ever try some... sex-toys together? Again, did you share that kind of pleasure with him, in his arms?
• As always the heart of the problem is communication: if your husband doesn't clearly understand your intimate expectations, well, simply DARE to explain them, kindly and in a simple, natural way. Suggest him to "shower" you with loving caresses, massages, kisses overall and to delicately discover with you the pleasure of a sex toy's (lubricated!) stimulation.
I think one of the best ones today could be "Blue sensation". (
• The point, Angela, is to understand that climaxing, always is better when these moments are shared. Your message gives the (obviously subjective) impression that, in your relationship, the good part mostly is your husband's one… Well, you probably don't imagine how happy he could be to feel you enjoying an orgasm in his arms, with the help of tender caresses and/or a vibrator.
• As well as a majority of women, it's also possible that you need a long stimulation during intercourse to climax. In these conditions, your husband maybe isn't able to "contain his ardor" long enough? Using a vaginal lubricant during intercourse could probably improve your sensations by increasing his resistance. It should be useful to try.
• Following the opinion of many, many lady-readers, the point isn't the erection's quality or penis' dimension but their man's care to please them, showing attention, love and tenderness.
There are men of 60+ who can without any problem lead women of 30 to several orgasms: take in account that pleasure begins not in your sex but in your brain! ;-)

Problem: « Dear Sir, I am a newly married woman (22 y. old) and fighting most of the time about stupid things with my husband because he keeps ordering me to do things which I'm not convinced with. For example, he says that I shouldn't have male friends! To tell you the truth, I am frustrated from what he does. Moreover, when I tell him things, he just keeps judging that me and my family don't like his work position or... his car! So what do you think? Looking forward to hearing from you soon, yours faithfully » Jamilah (New Zealand)

The situation you're facing is very common amongst men of Muslim culture and tradition… They usually consider themselves as superior to their wives. Despite the genuine respect that Prophet Mahomet showed towards his eight spouses, today, most Muslim men are unfortunately thinking that the "ideal" wife is locked at home, preferably in her kitchen, never goes out without her husband or brother and has nearly no right except the one to obey and accept submission...
In fact, they just were brought up that way and have always seen their fathers do so.
Moreover, regrettably, some Muslims Imams are even… preaching in that direction: A strange Muslim preach" (Video with English translation). Obviously this wrong concept of women's inferiority is today obsolete and every women should have to quietly inform their husbands of that truth: in the 21th century, men and women have the same rights because they just are equal!...
In order to reach your objective, dear Jamilah, you'd have to improve communication with your husband. One of the techniques described in my eBook is very simple. Every day, you're choosing a moment when he seems relaxed. You quietly come and sit down next to him, with a drink for the two of you. Then, avoiding any kind of useless reproaches (he doesn't listen to them), you'll quietly explain him what you feel. This is no criticisms, "attack" nor judgment, – just what you feel inside, i.e. what are your "expectations": to be respected and sometimes even valued; to be cared of, to be listened to; to receive more (genuine) tenderness; to regularly have some stimulating or interesting activities together, and so on.
Gradually, maybe you could change his mind about some points:
• He could realize how showing consideration for your own personality, your opinions and ideas should be profitable for him. Indeed this is an essential point to reach harmony in your life as a couple! Doesn't he know how a harmonious life as a couple is priceless??
• He could at last understand that showing kindness and tenderness in your daily life as a couple and in your intimate moment too, is contagious! This could make you become a more loving wife, more attentive to his own expectations…
• He hopefully could accept the idea that you're a clever woman and thus that your decisions and points of view are to be considered favorably.
• He could finally guess that being respectful with his wife, trusting her, is the good means to have her behave the same way.
• Could he even become open-minded enough to admit that no man always is right??...
Anyway, ANY solution to dissipate this "serious misunderstanding", dear Jamilah, will come through better communication first. If you really love him – and wish to build a lasting relationship, even if your choice may presently seem inadequate to you –, your goal should be to hold genuine conversations with him every day: speaking calmly, smiling, giving him any needed explanation when you disagree but without raising your voice tone. Aggressiveness never wins, inside a couple.
What you wrote about your freedom to have male friends obviously is 100 % right. Your husband clearly seems jealous and possessive. However, if your remain quietly and strongly determined, continuously repeating the same principles, proving him that he may trust you, you'll hopefully succeed to convince him. But this also depends from the strength of your will.
I wish you good luck and a lot of patience and courage!

Problem: « I have done sex once and my partner said that my vagina is "loose". Before that I was virgin. How can my vagina be tight???? » Sadhvi (India)

Your partner apparently lacks experience! Your vagina maybe seemed too loose to him because his penis certainly is quite small and your vagina well lubricated (This only means that you were sexually excited).
Don't be anxious at all by such a (stupid) reflection! And think about this: when a vagina is very tight, the "rubbing" against the penis is quite strong. Well, that's maybe very good for your male partner... but then, he won't sustain a long intercourse. Result? The intercourse will be finished before you'll even begin to feel it good! And you may forget your climax…

Problem: « We got a brilliant relationship outside of the bedroom. But I'm 17 years older than my boyfriend and sometimes that can be a problem. » Peggy (UK)

It can indeed – and it probably will. Particularly if your relationship only is brilliant "outside": intimate harmony obviously is a crucial point to build a balanced relationship.
And so what? Do you both feel happy together? Do you feel you realize yourselves? That's the first points to look at! Let's hope that this will last several years. However, you see, the best philosophy in your situation is "Carpe diem": savour your happiness each day after the other one and enjoy every moment together to communicate and share.
Don't be anxious by what your relatives are thinking: this has no importance at all. You alone are responsible of your choices and your own life; what really counts is to feel good with him and if possible, in his arms. In fact, I'm puzzled by these terms of your message: "outside of the bedroom". Are you feeling uncomfortable there? Why? Is it a physical question or some lack of experience on his side?
Do you realize then that just by calmly and affectionately communicating with him about these points, by expressing, the two of you, your respective expectations, you'll solve nearly all your possible "problems"?
I wish you a long-lasting and happy relationship.

Problem: « Every time we had sex, I cannot reach the climax. » Angelica (TX, U.S.A)

This is a very common problem among girls who met a young guy, an inexperienced man… or a purely egoistic boyfriend. You see, despite what you may have heard, the majority of women is very sensitive to foreplay. I mean tender words, compliments, soft kisses, caresses on the whole body (before to be limited to erogenous zones).
During this foreplay (minimum 15 min.!), a man who genuinely loves his partner thinks not only to him, but first to the pleasure he has to give to his mate...
• It's why some more intimate caresses already lead her to climax before the intercourse itself.
• It's why making love is such a better, more appreciated experience, when you're truly in love.
Moreover, you should ask yourself a little question: if you have no problem to climax when you're alone, it's the best proof that the "problem" is to be solved by your partner. (There is an exception, if you have some gynecological disease like irritation, infection, and so on.)
Obviously, you have to understand that to fully appreciate an intercourse and to climax, your partner has to take plenty of time. This can't be done in 3 minutes!
It's because, for a lot of men, their own pleasure seems unfortunately to be their only interest. It's also because they're so in a hurry that so many women remain frustrated.
May I give you a suggestion? The next time you're in your partner's arms, ask him to take plenty of time; tell him your expectation: to be cuddled, to be kissed and caressed as long as needed to reach an orgasm, – even before an intercourse.
You see Angelica, to make love the way you hope is something not so easy! You have both to learn your mate's body, desires, preferences, fantasies, etc.
When you'll have done that, you'll feel much closer and that will boost your feelings. Anyway, remember that if you're both deeply in love it's always better: tenderness feeds your sensuality and your sensuality feeds back your mutual tenderness.
With my best wishes and kind regards,

Problem: « Can I get my life back after a violent relationship? » Charlene. (CA, USA)

For God sake, of course yes! WHY NOT?? I understand that you could be marked for life by fear, suffering and injustice. However, don't think your personal value is changed: keep your self-esteem and believe in all the possibilities you have in yourself that have still to be developed.
You have to realize that most men are not violent with their partner, - instead of expressing their love and tenderness. You will not have a long wait before meeting a kind man; a man who will make you forget your sufferings and your fears; who will be with you to love you, to help you, to respect you and to protect you.
In the past, you seemingly met a neurotic kind of guy and this was a horrible experience because you didn't immediately find the moral strength to dare to break off and go to the police.
As many women, you were so kind that at the first times you did forgive, hoping it was just an 'accident' and that he could change. Later, it's too late because you somewhat feel ashamed and... guilty. But you aren't!!
In my eyes, every woman must realize that a man who cannot control the violence of his own reactions towards his partner is also a risk for his (future) child(ren). Such men never change. In many cases they were themselves victims of violence in their past and reproduce the same pattern.
THUS, if you're victim of conjugal violence, you only have two things to do since the first time, in order to ensure your future protection and the one of your possible children:
1. Let make a medical report;
2. Even if you feel ashamed(!) - lodge a complaint to the police.
On another side, you'd better get ready to leave him: if not immediately, then when he'll hit you again! The more you stay, the more you'll suffer and the situation will inevitably get worse and worse...

Problem: « I snooped and found out that he answers internet e-mails; he says very provocative things, he e-mails friends with not so nice things said about me. It basically is a trust issue now that I keep trying to make excuses for. He does not know that I know. » Mary (FL, USA)

Like most of couples after a while, the two of you seemingly are going through two major difficulties: communicating and fighting the routine, the "Habit"!
If you still love him despite what you now know, if you genuinely wish to (re-)build you relationship on a healthy basis, well, what could I say you better than... "read my e-book!" ;-)
I'm sure it will help you a lot in every domains of your life as a couple, - included your intimacy.

Today, for once, it's not a "couple problem" but a charming story – and food for thought –, I received and wish to share with you: "THE OLD PHONE".

« When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.
Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.
My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.
I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information, please" I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.
- "Information."
- "I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.
- "Isn't your mother home?" came the question.
- "Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.
- "Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.
- "No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."
- "Can you open the icebox?" she asked. I said I could.
- "Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.
After that, I called "Information, please" for… everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.
Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, "Informat
ion Please" and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her,
- "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"
She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly,
- "Wayne, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in." Somehow I felt better.
Another day I was on the telephone, "Information please."
- "Information," said in the now familiar voice.
- "How do I spell fix?" I asked.
All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston.
I missed my friend very much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.
Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information please".
Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.
- "Information."
I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying,
- "Could you please tell me how to spell fix?"
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer,
- "I guess your finger must have healed by now." I laughed,
- "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"
- I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your call meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls."
I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.
- "Please do", she said. "Just ask for Sally."
Three months later I was back in Seattle . A different voice answered "Information." I said "I'm Wayne" and asked for Sally.
- "Are you a friend?" she said.
- "Yes, a very old friend," I answered.
- "I'm sorry to have to tell you this," she said. "Sally had been working part-time the last few years because she was sick.
She died five weeks ago." Before I could hang up she said,
- "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne ?"
- "Yes." I answered.
- "Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you."
The note said, "Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean." I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.

Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.
Whose life have you touched today? Why not pass this on? I just did...
Lifting you on eagle's wings. May you find the joy and peace you long for.
Life is a journey ... NOT a guided tour. So don't miss the ride and have a great time going around you don't get a second shot at it.
I loved this story and just had to pass it on. I hope you enjoy it and get a blessing from it just as I did. »

« The Secret to a Lasting Marriage: Embrace Imperfection »
An article from Deb Graham (Contributor -

When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.
On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my mom, and ask me how my day was at school.
I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite! When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Baby, I love burned toast.”
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Debbie, your momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides—a little burnt toast never hurt anyone.”
In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner…and the kindness my daddy showed my mom. To this day, it’s a cherished memory from my childhood that I’ll never forget. And it’s one that came to mind just recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner.
I had arrived home late…as usual…and decided we would have breakfast food for dinner. Some things never change, I suppose.
To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed, and quickly began to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast. Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail for the day. It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven!
Now, had it been any other day – and had we had more than two pieces of bread in the entire house – I would have started all over. But it had been one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread. So burnt toast it was!
As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast. But all I got was a “Thank you!” I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast. But instead, all Jack said was, “Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I know you had a hard day.”
As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my mom and dad…how burnt toast hadn’t been a deal-breaker for them. And I quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn’t a deal-breaker either.
You know, life is full of imperfect things…and imperfect people. I’m not the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find out that Jack isn’t the perfect husband! He likes to play his music too loud, he will always find a way to avoid yard work, and he watches far too many sports. Believe it or not, watching “Golf Academy” is not my idea of a great night at home!
But somehow, in the past 37 years, Jack and I have learned to accept the imperfections in each other. Over time, we have stopped trying to make each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate our differences. You might say that we’ve learned to love each other for who we really are!
For example, I like to take my time, I’m a perfectionist, and I’m even-tempered. I tend to work too much and sleep too little. Jack, on the other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser, and is a marketer’s dream consumer. I count pennies, and Jack could care less! Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice versa.
And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we’re also very much alike. I can look at him and tell you what he’s thinking. I can predict his actions before he finalizes his plans. On the other hand, he knows whether I’m troubled or not the moment I enter a room.
We share the same goals. We love the same things. And we are still best friends. We‘ve traveled through many valleys and enjoyed many mountain tops. And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every minute of every day to make this thing called “marriage” work!
What I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults - and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences - is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage relationship.
And that’s my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your married life and lay them at the feet of Jesus. Because in the end, He’s the only One who will be able to give you a marriage where burnt toast isn’t a deal-breaker!

Problem: « We don't even talk to each other! Yes, we get together. But then we don't have conversation at all. We don't use to date each other. What's the possible solution? He tells me he loves me but why? He didn't try to prove it to me! » Zia (Philippines)

This boyfriend doesn't seem to suit you… Maybe is he rather shy or very inexperienced with girls or women? Maybe his life is or was very difficult and his nature now became totally introverted?
Maybe, at last, he simply hasn't anything to say… However, if somebody feels a genuine tenderness for a woman, it seems to me rather odd to keep quiet!
Another possibility is he just feels a physical attraction for you. And you certainly guessed that this is not enough to build a genuine relationship. You obviously also have to share something together: conversations, of course, but similar tastes too, education, fields of interest, activities, dreams, projects, outbursts of laughter, ideas, same important life's values, an ideal, some commitments, etc., etc., etc.
You did understand that silence between two persons doesn't allow to build anything solid and kills everything. Your friend cruelly lacks information about the couple relationship, about how to behave with a beloved woman - and above all, what traps to avoid…
I think the solution - if you feel something strong for him - is to take the initiative: speak to him without any reproach but calmly and with a smile in your eyes. Ask him to speak about him, his life, his problems, his wishes, his work, his family… At least, these are subjects he knows and about which he could talk to you!
After that, don't hesitate, tell him your expectations; show him how you'd like to see him speak to you with tenderness or, at least, affection. Tell him how much you'd like to do something with him, to see his interest for you and how you'd be happy that beyond words he could act to prove his pretended love.
Otherwise, if he couldn't radically change his attitudes now, don't hope that it will come in the future. He's just not 'made for you'.
You have to meet a man you feel you could be mad of! You have to meet someone who cares to be happy with you and to make your happiness.
Be very careful in your choices, my friend. Good luck.

Problem: « When I engaged with someone, at the same day I met someone else, and after some time I fell in love with him. Unfortunately, I had to marry with my "fiancé" but now we are separated and the guy whom I loved first returned in my life. I want to know if he loves me or not. Please, help me... » Abhiprithi (India)

Your message is rather surprising: without knowing both of you, how could I give you the right answer ?
I am not a magician neither a shaman...
The most important lesson you have to learn from Life is that you alone are responsible of your life and of your choices. Not your parents nor anyone else. It's why I strongly recommend you to wait before taking any decision about a possible commitment with a man that you do not yet know very well!
If you marry somebody and you discover after a while that he is not exactly as kind and affectionate that you thought or hoped, what shall you do?? Divorcing is long and complicated - especially in India with all these cruel customs of yours concerning men's "honour".
You see, a couple relationship has to be built on a healthy and solid basis if you want to live some moments of happiness after a while. Did you understand that a mutual physical attraction never is enough?? This doesn't last very long. It's why you also need to share a lot of things with your beloved: same tastes, same life's important values, projects in common, activities together, same fields of interest, same dreams and emotions, etc., etc.
It's why you need to wait until you will really know him, until you'll realize that all aspects of his own personality are pleasing you. For that, you need time because you are engaging a wide part of your own life.
Without even considering the financial aspects of your future live as a couple, please understand that any hasty decision could make you unhappy for years. And you ask me (!!) to tell you if he loves you... This means that even you are not sure! Maybe you find him handsome or kind and you think that he certainly will adore you like a Goddess forever? Think again, dear.
Your message shows that even if you certainly are a charming young lady, you need, however, a good time of reflection before taking any life committing decision.
Take a look to my e-book: this reading will provide you with a large amount of precious information about the life as a couple.

Problem: « I'm married since 16 years and happy with my wife. But I'd like to have sex with other women to feel a change. Is it wrong in my thought? I just want to have different sexual experiences... I did talk several times about this with my wife; she obviously is quite resistant. Some times, I feel very anxious and desperate about this 'need'. Always thinking about phantasms of variety and not achieving it; I am eager to enjoy it. Is this thought wrong?? I'm no more as happy as before. Will this affect my mind? Sometimes, I think I'll become mad. I want to fully enjoy a sex life, have fun and a variety of experiences. Can you help me? »Daman (India)

I understand very well your feelings; they're not at all abnormal after a while: routine probably has invaded your life as a couple and wishing to discover some variety is a frequent symptom of boredom in a relationship.
The problem is, if you're going to have sex with other women, you're exposed to two major risks:
• Your wife will suffer from what she'll consider as an injustice; there will be a serious risk to break the peace of your life as a couple (as you write that you're happy with her!) and even break your marriage…;
• If you aren't very cautious to protect yourself, you'll always run the risk of contracting a sexually transmissible disease.
It's why I suggest you, before being unfaithful to your wife, to complete your information about fighting boredom, routine and habit inside your relationship, particularly concerning your intimate life with your wife. For that purpose, I'm sure that you both will find a precious help in reading my e-book, which you've seen introduced on my website. If you both read and implement in your daily life this series of ideas, techniques and suggestions, you'll be able to discover interesting variety in your sex life - and you'll become more attentive to an important fact: seduction never begins in your bedroom; it needs to be daily maintained in the daily life!
If, unfortunately for both of you, your wife should hesitate to follow you on this journey to better sexuality and personal fulfillment, then it still will be possible for you to realize your various phantasms…
But at least you sould have tried to remain faithful to her and avoid to plunge her deep in a grief…

Problem: « Boredom... » Pamela Canada)

Boredom in a relationship occurs when both partners have nothing else to share than bedroom and some meals in front of the TV. However, if the two of you could show a touch of goodwill, solutions are simple and easy to implement. You just need to be a little imaginative: in every aspects of your life as a couple, you always could give your imagination free rein in order to break the routine.
If you're lucky enough to have same or similar fields of interest, tastes or tendencies you could easily find some interesting and/or entertaining activities to share - I mean regularly, on a weekly basis for example.
Indeed, many people begin to live together without really knowing the other one; they just feel a strong physical attraction. Unfortunately, love is more than that: you've to share many things in common, - particularly the same "essential values". You've to be able to communicate clearly and frankly together. You've to prove your feelings, particularly your tenderness. You've to be able to listen to your beloved. In short, you've to become genuine friends.
Trust me, if you both change your mind in that direction, you'll see quite a change in that feeling of boredom. Good luck.

Instead of a letter today, dear visitors, I'd like to share with you something unusual: a British coach for couples, Mrs Elaine BOTHWELL, wanted to ask me several questions about my program for improving the couple relationship. You can read below the interview's transcription.

E.B.: Dr. Ivan Greindl, dds, is the author of « 100 sure ways to help your couple », a program described as a "conjugal life-transformer". Its simple to understand, easy to implement, step-by-step techniques and constructive suggestions will prove you how, just with minor changes in some attitudes, you can boost your love life. Ivan Greindl, developer of the 'Greindl system', brings you realistic solutions to your relationship problems. He manages his site and blog in 3 languages and responds to some of the 6-700+ emails he receives daily, in ENG, FR or SP. So he is a very popular man and he's here today to help us boost our love life... and savour it.
I.G. Thank you, Elaine, for this kind and… flattering introduction!
E.B. How can women really get men to love and appreciate them more?
I.G. Maybe they could focus a little more their attention on some points: • they should as often as possible... keep cool! I mean keeping their sense of humor instead of being touchy for unimportant reasons;
• They should express and prove their sincere tenderness;
• They should be able of some kind of 'passionate sensuousness'…;
• They should reply if possible to their various expectations with empathy (putting themselves in their partner's place);
• They should value them as well as their relationship with genuine compliments;
• They should learn to communicate somewhat in the same way than men, I mean very clearly; this includes to learn to listen to their partner, letting him speak without being interrupted, to express their own expectations too as well as avoiding innuendoes, 'allusions' - always sources of misunderstandings; etc.
E.B. What are the signs that couples miss that signal that the relationship is headed in the wrong direction?
I.G. • They don't understand each other anymore;
• they don't speak enough together;
• they don't show their kind feelings;
• they have the impression that the other one is full responsible of everything;
• they let indifference grow between them;
• they can't anymore appreciate their partner nor value them;
• they don't have any activity together anymore;
• they must realize that routine invades their love life…
E.B. Can one person of the couple work on the relationship and save it or does it have to be both?
I.G. It obviously depends of each individual situation. The logical answer of course is they have to both show a touch of shared goodwill; they have to be both conscious that something has to change - and want to act for a change.
E.B. How do couples reconnect when they have drifted apart?
I.G. • First of all by better communication.
• Secondly, by being each one attentive to the other's life, to the other's opinions, concerns, expectations and feelings;
• also by expressing how much their partner and their relationship are important in their own eyes.
• Each one also has to realize that any human person has the right to be… different. They have chosen their partner with their own qualities - and weaknesses; now they'd better accept them like they are...
E.B. Of the strategies you talk about in your books, which one or two could the listeners use straight away to repair their relationship?
I.G. • The easiest one certainly is of course, the "Seated Quarter": every single day, you choose a moment (if possible around the same time) when you're sure you won't be disturbed (phone, TV, children, dogs…) - nor too tired.
Then you sit down, « knee to knee, eyes to eyes », you show yourself open-minded and you try to connect yourself with your mate. Then you TALK together like genuine friends, with sincerity and empathy - about all you have to say or ask, during 15 minutes.
E.B. What in your opinion is the area that couples need to work on first? - based on your experience over 35 years and why?
I.G. • In EVERY couples in the world, ANY couple problem's solution begins by a better communication, - in any aspect of the life as a couple; particularly by expressing each other their own expectations and feelings. The first point to improve in any couple, at any level and for any kind of crisis is communication.
E.B. What really makes a relationship work? Is there one thing or is it different for everyone?
I.G. In my eyes (this is of course a subjective opinion), some points obviously are more important than others, for instance: communication - sharing - confidence - valuing the other - and what I call "daily maintenance" of the relationship. These particular elements are definitely valuable for every couples.
E.B. Can a man really understand how to help women? After all, isn't it men that women complain about more than men complain about women?
I.G. Are you sure of the reality of this statement?? This assertion seems to me doubtful and at least subject to discussion. ;-) ]
My answer to the question itself is that I really think so: it's a question of personal sensitivity and honesty. When you become older, you can easily acknowledge your own past errors - and this indubitably helps a lot to understand other points of view. Moreover, after having listened to hundreds or thousands of people, anyone becomes able to look at certain truths with an open mind and objectivity. For instance, as a man, I realize rather well our weaknesses; I try to understand them, as well as the reactions, frustrations and disappointments of women because of them. This way, I can suggest some simple solutions.
E.B. How you came up with your step by step process?
I.G. • First, by suggesting around me 21 'critical' success strategies. These were gathered in an effort to build a strong, tender relationship with my own wife. (They have been the basis of our peaceful marriage since... 1964).
• Second, by receiving confidences from more than 6,300 dental patients: it can be so helpful just to talk to somebody who's listening to you (when you take the suction tube off your mouth, of course!). By paying attention to relatives' and friends' experiences too, I finally pinpointed 28 key-attitudes that generally cause a relationship to break up. However, simple, minor changes in behavior allow to avoid them.
• Third, it took me a huge amount of Euros in relationship seminars and coaching, courses, subscriptions, dozens of specialized books and reviews as well as more than 8000 hours in complementary in-depth research to achieve my objective. This objective was to set-up a clear, concise, step-by-step method for fixing relationship problems and recognize the warning signs for future conflicts.
Seven years were spent looking for strategies that are easy to use. During this time, indeed, everywhere I've looked, all I have found were expensive shrinks, questionable group therapies or unconcerned psychiatrists, highly technical (often boring) books or complicated studies. And all of them were proposing the same old run-of-the-mill couple counseling programs, - i.e. programs that don't give anything you can "sink your teeth into" -, and they called that revolutionary new stuff.
Don't get me wrong: there's certainly some excellent material out there, but in the end it was all theory, none of it was practical, easy to implement: these systems obviously provide information; they can tell you what to do; the more sophisticated ones can handle some of your concerns, but they never take you by the hand, showing you how to do it, step by step!
That's why I wanted to create a different, easy-to-follow, easy-to-apply and at the same time progressive and quickly efficient resource, - suggesting solutions that you can immediately use in your daily life.
E.B. What's different about you and what you offer ?
I.G. • I'm focused on providing immediately usable, practical information, the kind of tips you can implement today with your husband or wife - and that works.
• My purpose is to offer a series of practical, daily life oriented solutions instead of "psycho-theoretic" ones.
• I'm not a shrink; it's why I'm using an... ordinary language, easy to understand, very far from their somewhat bushy, sometimes even esoteric, jargon…
E.B. Who do your strategies help the most- you answer questions from 17 year old and also women who've been married for a long time?
People acknowledges couple problems at any age… When they mention it, I checked that the average age of my correspondents generally turns around 25-45 years; the rest is situated between 12 and 73!
E.B. What makes your book « 100 sure ways to help your coupple » particularly effective?
I think it's maybe because the ideas, suggestions and techniques people find in it are so simple that they feel they could try them: just a touch of goodwill is enough to reach genuine results and see some real changes appear in the atmosphere at home.
E.B. Would you describe yourself as a sex therapist?
I.G. Not particularly. Intimate questions and difficulties obviously concern an important part of my program but intimacy is not the first point in a relationship: seduction never begins in your bedroom! If sensuality is the only thing a man and a woman are sharing, they don't form a 'couple': it's just a rather poor, sex-based relationship. These usually don't last a long time.
E.B. Whenever I think of sex therapists I think of someone who talks exclusively about sex yet in your book « 100 sure ways to help your couple », you say that seduction doesn't start in the bedroom; so where does it start?
I.G. In the various ways you behave with your partner in every domains of your daily life as a couple, of course! For example, a continuously touchy woman who recriminates more often than she shows her tenderness, or a boorish man, deprived of any kind of attention and consideration, - how could they incite their partner to be in love with them?? If during the day you never are really available for your partner, if you're indifferent to them, never attentive, often arguing for nothing, do you really think that "jumping" on them when back in your bedroom would be appreciated? Feelings and general behavior are important!
E.B. You mention in your book that after the first flush of romance has died, couples can get so used to routine that it causes the relationship to stagnate and for some couples they may think about leaving and finding another partner. But you say no, not to do that; what do you propose instead?
I.G. • To fight and defeat routine since the beginning by a 'daily maintenance' of the relationship; this means sharing a series of fields of interests, doing various activities together, sharing some essential values, sharing some friends, some tastes, ideas, opinions, some political or social engagement, some entertainments, etc.
• Another way to fight routine of course is… to have various breaks! Having nice and interesting moments together in Nature, making some funny unforeseen experiences with the children or friends, going in some completely new places for holidays, etc.
• An important part of this fight against the 'custom' obviously concerns the intimate life: changing positions, making love in several unusual places, discovering some naughty sex toys or accessories, and so on.
E.B. Every woman and indeed I'm sure men want to fall in love and stay in love with their partner for ever, and your secret to this is to 'cultivate' your love - just like you would flowers for your garden; what do you mean by cultivate your love? And how would a couple go about doing this?
I.G. • You ask me to summarize my whole e-book! Again, it is what I call the 'daily maintenance' of a relationship. It's being as often as possible able of kind attentions, able to show tenderness and consideration for the other one, to value them and more precisely, to use every possible means you could imagine to break the routine by any kind of nice, unforeseen gesture or idea.
E.B. Now seeing as though most couples go through ups and downs you give 4 steps a couple can take to boost their love life and indeed their relationship of the 4 steps which would you say is the most important to take first?
I.G. Improving COM-MU-NI-CA-TION! At every levels.
E.B. There is a fabulous quote in your book introduction: « Reconciliations 'on the pillow' never chase away all your frustrations ». Do couples tend to think that this is really a solution to relationship difficulties?
I.G. Much too often indeed… Though, the physical desire (and even a shared pleasure) doesn't solve at all a psychological crisis. The argument's cause doesn't disappear just by having some sex!
E.B. How can a couple really know what is at the heart of their problems?
I.G. The most logical way: by having a frank and sincere discussion, each one keeping their calm (and their sense of humor), each one letting the other speak without interruption and agreeing to make an exchange of efforts and concessions to improve the situation.
E.B. You mention that to have a harmonious life as a couple there are 7 conditions that need to be fulfilled. The couple have to:
1. Be genuine friends,
2. Develop and maintain communication,
3. Dare to express oneself,
4. Share and exchange tastes, activities, emotions, interests, projects, objectives, dreams,
5. Share the same values,
6. Be capable of empathy,
7. Live a harmonious intimacy.
Where should a couple start to make changes if their relationship needs a boost?

I.G. If they aren't genuine friends anymore, are they still a real couple? Thus, - again -, they have first to focus on point 2. : improving communication.
E.B. And a tip to make it easier for them to put these ideas into practice?
I.G. The easiest one to understand, the simplest one to implement, the most efficient one is the one quoted above: the "Seated quarter".
Check Mrs. Elaine Bothwell's website here

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blog on relationship problems,relationship issues,couple communication,save marriage,relationship advice,avoiding break-up,blog for couples,real life testimonials on relationship problems,solution to relationship problem, marriage problems,marriage counseling, marriage problem advice,fixing relationship
In this e-book, you'll find solutions to solve your relationship difficulties: they're handy and easy to implement in your daily life to boost any aspect of your relationship.
Reviving with your soul mate the complicity, tenderness and harmony of your first dates is within your reach too!
for instant information

Problem: « I have a new bf; both of us have own kids. He has 2, I have 1 and I don't know how to accept it easily. » Mary-Lou (Philippines)

It's quite normal to be frightened about this problem: you do not yet really know them and your questions about the future is a proof that you're smart and that you're accustomed to think about a problem before acting!
However, my impression is this one: if after some weeks or months you can't accept his children, you have to question yourself: "Do I really love him??"; "Could this relationship be solid and long-lasting??"
Because, you see, when you fall in love with somebody, you accept them as they are. And you certainly did understand that the link between him and his children is quite strong. WHAT you still have to understand too, is that loving his kids, giving them the care and time they need, doesn't mean he loves you less !!!
In my e-book that you have seen introduced on my website, I develop a series of useful suggestions and principles in order to reach a balance with your step- children and harmony between your partner, you and the children. These ideas are rather simple to follow, they just need a touch of shared goodwill, good communication, patience, perseverance - and love.
I friendly suggest you to read my e-book, both of you: you'll check that it's amusing, interesting… and very helpful to solve all kinds of problems you're going through in a relationship.
I wish you a future filled of happiness, tenderness and harmony.

There are words seeming to be said for lasting...:
"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt, people must again learn to work instead of living on public assistance." Cicero - 55 AD

Problem: « I am looking for true love and perfect partner but I have not yet found such person. » Berihu (Erythrea)

A "perfect" partner doesn't exist, - nowhere! You could search for her world-wide, you'll never find such phenomenon: every people in the world have their own weaknesses, you have to accept this as a universal truth.
However, the day you'll meet a person who'll make your heart beat more rapidly and if you have several important points in common with her, what you can realize is progressing together with this woman. This is rather simple, you both just need a touch of goodwill for being each other able of:
• accepting your mate as (s)he is;
• showing your tenderness and feelings, having kind attentions for her/him;
valuing the other one by frequent and sincere compliments;
• listening to them and learning to daily communicate with frankness, as genuine friends;
sharing with them several activities, interests, ideas, values, ...;
• expressing each other your own expectations in you life as a couple;
That way, you'll "cultivate" your love and will rapidly find harmony; that way your relationship will last.

It's so nice to discover other people who perfectly share your own ideas: today, I received a quote that I wanted to share with you too, because it summarizes a big part of what I think! :-)
« Love is so very special yet can make you feel so lost;
It can arrive just like the springtime and melt away like morning frost.
You must find ways to nurture it: always grow your love with care,
never ever take for granted the love that you both share!
Mistakes are bound to happen, you may hurt each other's heart;
Yet don't give up too easily: it will tear your love apart.
Love resembles a bright flame that lights a dark starry night;
Never ever let this flame burn down, rekindle it with all your might!
Take a moment every day, look deep into each other's eyes,
never hesitate to show your affection - small gestures keep love alive.
Talk openly about your feelings, take time to show that you care;
treasure each and every moment because to find true love is so rare!
[Connie Thomas Lugo]

Problem: « I'm in love with a man but I think he doesn't care. He's 6 years younger and he lies to me. Moreover he's calculating and manipulating with my feelings. Help me please. » Lucy (IRL)

To help you? Then I have to open your eyes! And this hurts so much when you're in love (or more exactly when you think you're in love).:-)
My domain, Lucy, is trying to help people to build their relationship again, after they went through a painful crisis; this asks only one thing: a touch of sincere goodwill from both sides.
Sometimes, however, you need some moments of lucidity: to take stock, - or to split up is in some cases the only way to stop suffering.
Indeed, dear Lucy, in order to enjoy a stable, fulfilling relationship by the side of a man, the difference in ages is not the point. In the first 20 years anyway.
What you need, on the other hand, is to build your relationship on mutual trust and admiration. As I continuously repeat it, you have to share the same essential values; trust the same ideas; share some fields of interest; the same kind of upbringing; you need to have a goal together, objectives, projects,...
Shouldn't you have mistaken Love (the real one!) with a passionate desire? Passion obviously is a marvelous experience... as long as it is mutual. But if you already realize now that he's calculating and manipulating, what are you doing with such a man who destroys you??
Think about all this; ask yourself some questions; recognize with simplicity and self-indulgence that you maybe have made a mistake. And... turn the page. It's much better to live alone for some time than in a bad company.
And, in order to avoid making the same mistakes in the future, when you'll soon meet a man who'll suit you - a good, attentive, tender and trustworthy man -, well take a look on my e-book: it will amuse and interest you because it's filled of practical suggestions and above all solutions to help you in any possible difficulty you could go through in your life as a couple.

Problem: « I'll share a life as a couple after 8 years living as a bachelor... » Alex (Scotland)

What a magnificent challenge you're taking up! Indeed these years with no constraint or obligations did mature you and make you realize the importance of your autonomy. They also sharpened the way you're judging women...
I warmly and sincerely wish you to find happiness and harmony in your relationship
Finally, it's not a very hard goal to reach, you know, - when you're following some simple 'recipes', always the same ones. Maybe you've already read them on this blog; the 7 "majors" to remember are - in my eyes:
* A good communication helped by an attentive listening: it's so important to exchange ideas in daily genuine conversations and never going to bed "with a weight on your heart".
* To moderate your 'emotional reactivity': "Why should you make a mountain with a clod?"
* Expressing your tenderness. And your... expectations. In every domains.
* Sharing the same values. And also: various fields of interest, similar tastes and ideas, projects, activities, objectives, bursts of laughter, moments filled of wonder, emotions, responsibilities, decisions, experiences, ...
* Reserving frequent moments to yourself: to fulfill one's own personality, it's highly beneficial for each of you to keep a certain part of autonomy.
* Valuing the partner and respecting their right to be... different.
* In the frame of exchanges, accepting to make certain mutual concessions in order to find compromises which are satisfying for both (win-win).
It's really like cooking, you see: you follow the recipe and the cake is delicious.;-)

Today, I received in my in-box a funny little fable from America and wanted to share it with you. So the today's post is somewhat different! It's called « The Pastor's Ass »
A pastor had a donkey and one day, he entered his donkey in a race. And the old dear ass won!! The pastor was so pleased with his donkey that he entered it in the race again, won again.
Hence, the well informed local paper read:

The Bishop was of course upset with this kind of publicity. So upset that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:

This was too much for the bishop! So he ordered the pastor to simply get rid of his donkey. In order to obey to His Eminency, the pastor decided to give it to a nun he knew in a nearby convent.
Hearing of the news, the local paper could not refrain from posting the following headline the next day:

The poor Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she too would have to get rid of the donkey. So she sold it to a farmer for $100. The next day the mischievious local paper quite normally read:

This time it was definitely more than too much for the Bishop; so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headline read:

His Eminency the Bishop was buried the next day…

Moral of the story: Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer.
Have a great day!

Problem: « I am 45 years old woman. My hubby is in Army. He uses to come here only once a year for some days. From last year my monthly periods isn't regular. I think this is menopause. This time, when my husband came I was hot but not wet. I want to enjoy but due to dryness, we can't. Please help me. Is there any medicine or anything so I can enjoy my sex life? Please let me know as soon as possible. Thanks & regards. » Khushboo (India)

Yes , yes and… yes. :
- Yes, probably menopause will arrive soon.
- Yes, vaginal dryness in these conditions is not abnormal.
- Yes, you'll find vaginal lubricants in any drugstore or supermarket.
BUT, you've to know (and so does your husband!) that the best lubricants are... tenderness, signs of true love, loving and long foreplay, - with kisses and caresses.
Moreover, there are so many "tricks" to better make love and enjoy a fulfilling intimacy, as for example often varying your positions and caresses, or both playing with some... sex toys, etc.
(Of course, if the problem seems to be more serious, it's not impossible that you could have a slight inflammation or infection of the genital region. In this case, any good doctor could rapidly help you.)
All this is largely explained in my e-book, the one you have seen introduced on my website.

Problem: « My partner and I have been together for 4 years. We have broken up and got back together 3 times during this period. He broke because of getting confused, being not sure he really loves me. He always goes out with others just before we break up and continues to date many while we're broken up. We've became registered domestic partners 2 years ago and married this summer. After a while, we began to have problems: I sensed a lack of commitment from my partner. He has a history of multiple affairs and announced he wants an "open" relationship with an agreement where he basically gets to do whatever he wants... I'm becoming very unhappy with everything, feel like I have no say or control and that open relationship is actually him going out dating and not just recreational sex. Shouldn't I just get on with my life and find a partner that appreciates me and what I have to offer him (which is a lot and more than most people)? » Charles (MA, USA)
Only knowing your own version of the situation, it's difficult for me to be objective, even outside any kind of "judgment". But indeed, it seems clear to me that you can't be confident in your partner: even in the frame of marriage, it clearly appears that he doesn't want any kind of really responsible, mature commitment; he clearly shows indifference towards your happiness, he clearly wants to receive, to take, but not to give…
That's a "one-way relationship" and no one could build anything long-lasting on that kind of agreement. Moreover an "open" relationship is NOT AT ALL a relationship in which you decide to have all the sexual partners you want! An open relationship is an agreement in which you are sharing a lot of things with your partner but without being chained together all the time.
In other words, it just means that in the daily life, you keep respecting their personality, their tastes and choices, that you allow them to keep a good part of autonomy and personal freedom, because you love them and trust them.
For instance if you love classical ballet and your partner's only interest is baseball, you should both be free to choose what pleases you, - even if you're going out with friends instead of your partner. Love can't be a chain, but you have to know that you can trust your partner's love for you…
Please realize it, "open" relationship doesn't mean at all that inside your life as a married couple you may or can have sex with anyone. In that case, where should be the place for genuine feelings, for simple and pure love, for trust and fidelity? These are precious values too! Even if you aren't obsessed by jealousy.
On that subject, you can read a brief message here: " Open relationship ".
Hence, I have to agree with you: a relationship like the one you are in for the moment is not the one you need for realizing yourself. Your partner seems to only have a rather egoistic point of view, considering his will, his desires, needs and objectives as the only valuable ones.
On the contrary, in order to live a satisfying love life, you need to share with your partner some genuine and deep feelings, confidence, tastes, fields of interest, activities, various commitments, projects, dreams, objectives, etc., etc., - which form a basis to build any solid and long-lasting agreement.
Because you certainly understood it: the physical attraction alone never lasts long… and never is enough to build a solid couple!
Anyway, first of all, your life as a couple lacks of communication, it's always the first point to solve, especially in a "one-way" agreement. Without having the (daily) opportunity of calmly and confidently talking to each other, expressing your needs and expectations, without being listened to, how could you avoid all the frustrations you're now living??
Good luck, my friend.

Problem: « How to overcome indifferences with your partner. » Phil (Manilla, Philippines)

Indifference is a symptom ! A symptom of the absence of real LOVE.
When you originally stay with a partner just because of a physical attraction, for instance, you miss something… : you forget the importance of communication, of sharing (activities, fields of interest, dreams, projects, objectives, same tastes or ideas, etc.), of the expression of your feelings, needs and expectations.
You also forget essential elements as solidarity, being genuine friends, need of being WITH your mate, - not on their side, as a housemate!
If you feel indifference, Phil, or if you feel that your mate is indifferent, well look on another side: this relationship is not the best one you could deserve, it's not made to last…

Problem: « My husband wants anything to be continuously perfect. He's too fussy! If anything is not just as he wants, he begins to call me all the names imaginable. » Mary-Caroline. (NH, USA)

1. You have the right to be different from him.
2. In a relationship, each one obviously has to respect their partner; otherwise you... kill love. He certainly could express his expectations without insulting you!
3. Above all, he could share the domestic chores with you, or at least help you (or hire somebody) in order to see everything made as he wants. I'd say you don't have to "obey his orders". A marriage doesn't work this way and smart people understand that a relationship is something you have to build-up every day, - by mutual tenderness and consideration. And also by sharing chores.
4. By trying to improve communication with him, speaking (calmly) of your expectations, you could reach a win-win compromise. You could suggest a kind of exchange; you could make some mutual concessions: commit yourself to make genuine efforts to be still more tidy and meticulous. And on his side, ask his commitment to help you and show you the consideration due to any human person.
If both of you could show a touch of goodwill, such a compromise could revolutionize your agreement, - even in your intimacy!
5. Get used to have some genuine talks together on a daily basis; so you could take up the contact again. Speak of other subjects than the household, of course! And manage your life to have more activities done together.
6. In my book, the one you've seen introduced on the web site, there is (besides the solutions to the various relationship problems), a section which you'll find especially interesting: 'Quiz and tests'. The questions help both of you to take 'stock' of your relationship.
By becoming aware each of you of the minor changes which could be done in your attitudes, your agreement could make huge progresses. BTW, this reading will amuse an interest you, you can be sure of it. :-)

Problem: « I'm with my boyfriend since 2 years. I'm only 17 but I know I love him and want to spend my whole life with him. The problem is that he became more and more distant towards me; when I want to talk to him about that he gets nervous and declines. Shouldn't he do his best to make me happy? What could I do to be sure of his feelings? » Cindy (NY, USA)

Maybe you'd remember that a lasting relationship is something you have to build-up together. Moreover it requires some elements seemingly difficult for you to find:
* a deep trust;
* sharing (fields of interest, same tastes, activities, objectives, similar values, etc;
* frank and daily genuine communication.
In other words, the physical attraction alone is never sufficient to reach a fulfilling relationship. Neither the unconditional love ... of one partner only.
He is "more and more distant towards you"? Maybe he doesn't want to commit any more? Maybe he could suffer from a certain routine, a form of habit? Maybe was he somewhat... charmed by anybody else (even innocently)? (This can occur to everybody you know. You can't command that kind of things.)
One of your questions needs to be qualified: "Shouldn't he do his best to make me happy?"
Indeed. But in the frame of reciprocity. Each of you has to distrust any one-way action, - it's a dangerous source of frustrations.
Hence, instead making him feel guilty with your reproaches, (even if he deserves them) it would be wiser in my eyes to ask yourself some questions:
- "Did I express my tenderness to him enough?";
- "Am I available enough and really open to a genuine dialogue?";
- "Do I tell him enough how much I appreciate his presence by my side? How much our relationship is precious to me??"
- "Do I frequently think to valorize him too? Or do I have more reproaches or recriminations for him than compliments?"
- "Do I think often enough to have some small attentions for him; to reply to his expectations, to his wishes?"
-" Are we doing enough things together? Like activities which interest and/or entertain both of us? (A sport, a hobby, a commitment...)
It should be very profitable for both to ask that kind of questions to each other in the frame of a friendly conversation, a kind of 'tuning' of your relationship.
Obviously, I hear you from here: 'We each need to show some goodwill in order to have a serious conversation; but he became so distant!"
Couldn't you try to persuade him with your most charming smile? Because, you see, making him feel guilty is inefficient. On the opposite, you both need to ask your own questions and listen to the answers with a genuine empathy (=putting yourselves at other's place).
Reading you message, Cindy, I think you'd both find a precious help... in reading my book. It will bring you a large series of concrete ideas to solve the problems you're going through (now and later). It will help you to avoid many errors you're not even conscious of, - at 17.
To build a successful relationship, you need to want it both of you; if your friend denies committing, seems distant, it's necessary for you to understand the origin of your impression. If (pure hypothesis) you'd feel that his love is not so sure any more, don't hold on to him at any price! You'd suffer still more.
Everybody has unhappy love affair(s); it's very painful but you'd recover from it. And a bad luck could lead to a new happiness, - sometimes still deeper that the first one.

Problem: « What brings Love, understanding, harmony into marriage? » Sofia (The Netherlands)

You can only count on 'strong values':
• Always improving and maintaining communication (with genuine dialogues, daily frank conversations, paying attention to listen to the partner)
Sharing (activities, fields of interest, projects...; a goal, an ideal, moments of amazement; responsibilities, chores, decisions, various commitments...);
• Being able of empathy (to put yourself 'in their shoes'), in order to learn indulgence, tolerance and/or forgiveness;
• Being confident in your mutual commitment of live, consideration, respect and solidarity;
• Focusing on exchanges (avoiding one-way actions);
• Making mutual concessions, – unless on your essential values;
• Always keeping a part of one's own autonomy, of independence;
• Nurturing your feelings with a fulfilling intimate life, – without taboos or unjustified shyness;
• Moderating your respective sensibilities: avoiding quarrels for unimportant motives or misinterpretations (you just have to simply ask... explanations);
• ..., etc.
Adopting these behaviors brings peace in the relationship, – the first step to harmony. All these points obviously are developed in my eBook, "100 Sure Ways To Help Your Couple". You'll find a genuine help in its information.

It's difficult to list all the powerful information this method contains; but here are some of them:
If you require inner strength and a second breath in your relationship;
If you want a fulfilling sex life, - which can be just a consequence of improved communication!
If you're looking for a good plan for improving and enjoying your relationship;
If you know what to do but need to do what you know,
then you need to read this e-book and implement its techniques. I'll provide you with amazingly useful information but I can't take action for you.
Don't let that happen, start moving forward by applying what you read: only YOU are responsible for your success. If you want to experience something different you have to be different.

"Most people never run far enough on their first wind
to find out they've got a second."(William James)

In « 100 sure ways to help your couple » you'll find easy, practical and efficient solutions to boost every aspects of your relationship. Living again with your soulmate the complicity, tenderness and harmony of your first dates now is within your reach too!

for instant info

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blog on relationship problems,relationship issues,couple communication,save marriage,relationship advice,avoiding break-up,blog for couples,real life testimonials on relationship problems,solution to relationship problem, marriage problems,marriage counseling, marriage problem advice,fixing relationship

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blog on relationship problems,relationship issues,couple communication,save marriage,relationship advice,avoiding break-up,blog for couples,real life testimonials on relationship problems,solution to relationship problem, marriage problems,marriage counseling, marriage problem advice,fixing relationship,couple problems
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